Archer
Wednesdays 10:00 PM on FXFavorite Archer Quotes
Cheryl: I want a drink!
Archer: Join this great new club!
Archer: Heiresses to fortunes like your family's don't fake their own deaths. They murder their parents and blame it on some poor Hispanic or Negro.
Cheryl: Yes, I thought about that, but I don't know any Hispanics or Negroes.
Archer: No, they make up the Hispanic or Negro.
Cheryl: I honestly wouldn't know where to begin.
Archer: For starters, even if you pull this off, what are you going to do for money.
Cheryl: Well I...I shall work, of course!
Archer: (scoffs) As what?
Cheryl: Um...One of those! A food perambulator.
Cheryl: Oh my God, you have a crush on her!
Archer: What?! No I don't, I...
Cheryl: Yes you do! That was the cutest thing! And I think SHE has a crush on YOU.
Archer: No, she...wait, really?
Cheryl: Absolutely!
Archer: Why - why - why do you think that? Did she --
Cheryl: Just admit that you like her!
Archer: Well, yeah, of course I --
Cheryl: (yells to room) Hey! Yeah! Me and him, we just f*****d!!
Archer: (grunts in pain)
Cheryl: (flashback as a nun) Shhhh-shhhh. Calmez vous. Vous mettez plus en danger.
Archer: Did you say "a" change, or just change, as in spare change?
Figgis: Huh, what change? They'll be passing you around for half a pack of smokes.
Archer: Pfft, I'm worth at least two packs.
Charlotte: Pfft!
Archer: You know...
Archer: Are you shitting me?!?
Pam: Awwww, I wouldn't shit you, you're my favourite turd!
Hey, can I order some pie? Or have you single-handedly depleted the Global Strategic Pie Reserves?
Floyd: Are you crazy?
Verl: Are you trying to get yourself killed?
Archer [mockingly]: Oh my God, is diabetes contagious?!?
Hey com 'on, you know I'd never let anything happen to your bacon. I love you Santa Clause. [sniff] I do.
Mother: What is it with you people and reefer?
Lana: Do you mean musicians or negroes?
Mother: Pick one.
Archer: I realize that a segregated service is just crazy, especially given what we were fighting for over there, but -
Cliff: Oh now you got a "but."
Archer: ...if you think about it, the most racist thing would be, if, whenever there was a war, we only sent negroes.
Floyd: WOW.
Verl: Words fail me.
