Archer
Wednesdays 10:00 PM on FXPopular Archer Quotes
Lana: It's from a song?
Archer: Yes it's from a song! Recorded by Grammy winner and possible Faustian bargain maker Kenny goddamn Loggins!
Lana: I want this baby!
Malory: Well, sure, now. Wait until you're waist deep in diapers, he's up with the croup and there's no bourbon in the house. Then fast forward to him knocking up the au pair, flunking out of college, and then single-handedly bankrupting your drug cartel!
I mean, did you used to be a man?
Malory
You think if I had 100 pounds of coke I'd be sitting here playing choo-choo spoon with a tranny?
Pam
Lana: I'm pregnant!
Cherlene: ...it said, baffling medical science.
Oh, and just so you know, that's exactly how Len Koenecke died.
So if you'll hide your vaginas, it's time to gather some intel.
Ray: Intel? No, do not compare what we do now to intelligence work.
Archer: Don't worry, I won't. Because selling cocaine to cocaine dealers doesn't really compare to helping overthrow democratic governments, like the US did in Guatemala, Chile, Nicaragua, oh! Iran?! Because, spoiler alert, those didn't really work out so great. But that's okay, because I'm pinning my hopes for the future on the next big shipment of stinger missiles to that rag tag bunch of Mujahidin heroes in Afghanistan!
It's not like we're selling cocaine to little kids!
Ray
Ray: We blew up an oil pipeline.
Cyril: Not to mention a bunch of...people. Compared to that, this is kind of a victimless crime. If it even is a crime. I mean, is it?
Archer:...he said, sucking at being a lawyer.
What's that? I can't hear you over the sound of I have snake poisoning.
I always worried I would die without knowing how it felt to get my throat slashed and my tongue yanked out through the gaping hole.
