Archer
Wednesdays 10:00 PM on FXPopular Archer Quotes
Now I have no liquor. Just a big fat pair of blue lady balls.
Lana
Archer: Okay. A. ,The Tin Man is not a robot.
Trexler: The Tin Man is -
Archer: A magical being, like a leprechaun, Pinocchio, an enchanted Nutcracker.
Trexler: Whatever! He doesn't have a heart!
Trexler: Get me out of here alive, and the ransom money and we'll call it even, okay?
Archer: Uh, we're way more than even.
Trexler: How do you figure?
Archer: Because your final thought on this Earth wasn't about how my gun tasted!
Trexler: Fair enough.
Archer: Right?
Lana: [to Poovey] Can you hotwire it?
Cyril: Nobody can, because it's English and it's stupid, with a bunch of stupid English wires.
Lana: Excuse me, I am effecting an arrest!
Archer: Great, while you're at it, arrest him.
Lana: Who?
[Dutch Dylan shouts and jumps out of top story window]
Archer: [chuckles] ...if for nothing else, that outfit.
Archer: Okay, you know what? [swerves] Laugh it up, laughers. Since you like jokes so goddamn much...
[swerves and throws Dutch off his motorcycle]
Archer: Hahahaha. Oh hey, did you hear the one about -
[drives car over Dutch]
Everyone: Oh my God.
Lana: Archer, wait!
Archer: Or the one about -
[drives car over Dutch again]
Lana: Archer!
Archer: Or here's one! Knock knock?
[drives car over Dutch again]
Archer: Typical! Typical typical typical typical!
Lana: What could possibly have been typical about that?!
Archer: ME! I always do shit like this.
Poovey: Like what?
Archer: All I wanted to do was find out who killed my partner Woodhouse, and the next thing I know I've disappeared up my own asshole, and I'm manumitting sex slaves and grossly abusing corpses and trying to source a finger for some weird psychosexual kidnapping, and then, to top off all the bullshit, getting chased by GODDAMN ROBOTS!! I mean, [beep] halberts, Jesus Christ!!
Archer: Anybody got a joke about socks?
Everyone: [silence, gagged with socks]
Archer: Oh, okay, I got one. Uh, "Sock, sock?"
Everyone: [silence]
Archer: Then you say, "Who's there."
Everyone: [silence]
Archer: [chuckles] Okay then I guess just pout!
He [Trexler] didn't tell me to do it. Hell, I did it just to see his lights go out.
Dutch
Lana: Hurry up!
Poovey: Jesus! You people would stand in a bread line and ask for toast.
Charlotte: Wait, there's toast?
Mother: WHY would there be toast!?!
Charlotte: Why WOULDN'T there be?
Krieger: You're better than this! You don't have to be a killer. You can use your powers for the good of all mankind!
Dutch/Barry: Yeah, I could, but I was a murderer before you turned me into a freak so I don't know why you thought this was gonna have a happy ending.
Holy shit. Glad I don't have a flashback for that!
