Mondays 10:00 PM on FX
Archer

[If I brought food] I wouldn't have room for beer, and since I can't catch beer....

Archer

She gets dinner in Dixieland and laid. And I get mosquitoes and no beer and not laid. How could this get any... [alligator murmurs] LET ME FINISH... worse. You ruined it. You ruined the moment.

Archer

Gandalf: I love your new hairdo, by the way.
Lana: Well if you like the collar, you're gonna love the cuffs.

Krieger: Pam, if you're dumping stuff on the street, you can also dump these.
Pam: What is it?
Krieger: Shattered dreams.
Cheryl: Smells like rotten meat.
Krieger: Also, yes.

Lana: What's your third biggest fear?
Archer: Brain aneurysm.
Lana: What's a brain aneurysm have to do with walking around in a swamp?
Archer: Nothing, it can happen anywhere at anytime, that's what makes it so terrifying.

Lana: What are your three biggest fears?
Archer: Getting stuck on a boat with you three times.

Lana [opens cooler of nothing but beer]: You're shitting me.
Archer: I know. A rainbow should shoot out every time you open it.

We all have to chip in to make ISIS green. Look at me chopping ice for a Tom Collins like a field hand... or do I want a mint julep?

Malory

Try clearing your throat about a gillion more times and see if that helps.

Archer

Archer: This must be what it's like to have sex with me.
Lana: How could an airboat be selfish?

Archer [to airboat owner]: I've waited my entire life to say this exact phrase, "I'm commandeering this airboat!"
Lana: Sorry, it really is an emergency.
Archer: Of an awesome and ass-kicking nature!

Lana: He's attacked nuclear power plants, hydroelectric dams, and whaling ships.
Archer: Whaling ships? What he's got something against clean burning lamp oil?

Displaying quotes 1 - 12 of 14 in total

Archer Season 2 Episode 4 Quotes

Lana: What's your third biggest fear?
Archer: Brain aneurysm.
Lana: What's a brain aneurysm have to do with walking around in a swamp?
Archer: Nothing, it can happen anywhere at anytime, that's what makes it so terrifying.

His name's Gandalf and he's not a hippie?

Archer
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