Archer

Mondays 10:00 PM on FX
Archer
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Archer: Hello? There's this great new thing called coasters!
Cheryl: Geesh Al, sorry.
Archer: Don't apologize to me, apologize to the Brazilian Rosewood.

Archer: Lana, I'm in love with you.
Lana: You are also shitfaced.
Archer: I can be both.

Trinet: You can't tattoo a baby!
Archer: That's what the tattoo guy said. I had to slip him an extra hundred bucks!

Archer: I wanted to spend some time with the Wee Baby Seamus.
Trinet: He's not even your real kid.
Archer: So?
Trinet: So it's weird.
Archer: So is me paying you child support, Trinet, but you keep cashing the checks.
Trinet: Hey!
Archer: I'm sorry. Come on Trinet, Seamus may not be my real son. But he's probably the closest I'm ever gonna get.
Trinet: Where are you taking him?
Archer: I dunno, what's he into?

Rita: Well if it isn't Chet Manley.
Archer: And it's I want to say.. Peggy?
Rita: Rita. And you said you'd call me.
Archer: Really? To both statements...?

Doctor: Any history of alcoholism?
Archer [drinking]: You know, I drink socially.
Malory [also drinking]: Hah! What? I didn't have breakfast...

Krieger: My entire laboratory is at your disposal.
Malory: thanks I'll let you know if I need a hybrid pig-boy.

Malory: Especially Sterling. If he found out i might have breast cancer, he'd be devastated. This information cannot leave this... Pam what the hell?
Pam: What? Nothing.
Malory: You're texting about my...
Pam: I'm not I swear, this is about...
Cheryl: Breast caner! Oh, you poor thing.
Malory: Pam!
Pam: what?
Malory: What is wrong with you?
Pam: I can't help it. It's like a disease.
Malory: Pam!
Pam: Do you not know what disease means? Oh sorry I forgot you might have...
Cyril: Breast cancer!

Malory: I had a mammogram on Friday and they found something.
Pam: So is that why you're being such a bitch?

Cheryl: Do anything fun this weekend? Because I sure did. Friday night was cornhole league and then on Saturday...
Malory: If I cared what you do on the weekend I'd stick a shotgun in my mouth and pull the trigger with my toes.
Cheryl: Saturday I watched a building burn down.

Displaying all 10 quotes

Archer Season 2 Episode 8 Quotes

Malory: I had a mammogram on Friday and they found something.
Pam: So is that why you're being such a bitch?

Cheryl: Do anything fun this weekend? Because I sure did. Friday night was cornhole league and then on Saturday...
Malory: If I cared what you do on the weekend I'd stick a shotgun in my mouth and pull the trigger with my toes.
Cheryl: Saturday I watched a building burn down.

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