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Archer: Hello? There's this great new thing called coasters!
Cheryl: Geesh Al, sorry.
Archer: Don't apologize to me, apologize to the Brazilian Rosewood.
- Permalink: Hello? There's this great new thing called coasters! Geesh Al,...
Archer: Lana, I'm in love with you.
Lana: You are also shitfaced.
Archer: I can be both.
- Permalink: Lana, I'm in love with you. You are also s**tfaced. I can be...
Trinet: You can't tattoo a baby!
Archer: That's what the tattoo guy said. I had to slip him an extra hundred bucks!
- Permalink: You can't tattoo a baby! That's what the tattoo guy said. I ha...
Archer: I wanted to spend some time with the Wee Baby Seamus.
Trinet: He's not even your real kid.
Trinet: So it's weird.
Archer: So is me paying you child support, Trinet, but you keep cashing the checks.
Archer: I'm sorry. Come on Trinet, Seamus may not be my real son. But he's probably the closest I'm ever gonna get.
Trinet: Where are you taking him?
Archer: I dunno, what's he into?
- Permalink: I wanted to spend some time with the Wee Baby Seamus. He's not...
Rita: Well if it isn't Chet Manley.
Archer: And it's I want to say.. Peggy?
Rita: Rita. And you said you'd call me.
Archer: Really? To both statements...?
- Permalink: Well if it isn't Chet Manley. And it's I want to say.. Peggy?...
Doctor: Any history of alcoholism?
Archer [drinking]: You know, I drink socially.
Malory [also drinking]: Hah! What? I didn't have breakfast...
- Permalink: Any history of alcoholism? You know, I drink socially. Hah! ...
Krieger: My entire laboratory is at your disposal.
Malory: thanks I'll let you know if I need a hybrid pig-boy.
- Permalink: My entire laboratory is at your disposal. thanks I'll let you ...
Malory: Especially Sterling. If he found out i might have breast cancer, he'd be devastated. This information cannot leave this... Pam what the hell?
Pam: What? Nothing.
Malory: You're texting about my...
Pam: I'm not I swear, this is about...
Cheryl: Breast caner! Oh, you poor thing.
Malory: What is wrong with you?
Pam: I can't help it. It's like a disease.
Pam: Do you not know what disease means? Oh sorry I forgot you might have...
Cyril: Breast cancer!
- Permalink: Especially Sterling. If he found out i might have breast cancer...
Malory: I had a mammogram on Friday and they found something.
Pam: So is that why you're being such a bitch?
- Permalink: I had a mammogram on Friday and they found something. So is th...
Cheryl: Do anything fun this weekend? Because I sure did. Friday night was cornhole league and then on Saturday...
Malory: If I cared what you do on the weekend I'd stick a shotgun in my mouth and pull the trigger with my toes.
Cheryl: Saturday I watched a building burn down.
- Permalink: Do anything fun this weekend? Because I sure did. Friday night...