Archer

Mondays 10:00 PM on FX
Archer
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Cyril: Hey, will I get to learn Karate?
Archer: Karate: the Dane Cook of martial arts? No. ISIS agents use Krav Maga. We got an ex-Mossad guy who comes in on Thursdays.
Cyril: Neato.
Archer: Yeah. Tuesdays he comes in for a really rigorous spin class.

Cheryl: Beep beep beep.
Pam: Oh, your giving me the truck noise, Karen Carpenter stunt double?
Cheryl: I'm sorry, I thought you were walking backwards.

Cheryl: It's Carol.
Archer: What? Since when?
Cheryl: Since I had it legally changed because you always call me Carol.
Archer: Wow, that's... excuse us.

Cyril: Besides, I'm sure it's not the first time you've kept a secret from Lana.
Archer: Uh, hello. Herpes.
Cyril: You gave Lana herpes?!

Hey com 'on, you know I'd never let anything happen to your bacon. I love you Santa Clause. [sniff] I do.

Archer

I am drunk, or I wouldn't be talking to you.

Archer

Archer: Lying is like 95% of what I do.
Cyril: In your job?
Archer: Sure.

Archer: Oh my God! You killed a hooker!
Cyril: Call girl! She was a-
Archer: No Cyril, when they're dead they're just hookers!

Displaying all 8 quotes

Archer Season 1 Episode 2 Quotes

Archer: Oh my God! You killed a hooker!
Cyril: Call girl! She was a-
Archer: No Cyril, when they're dead they're just hookers!

Archer: Lying is like 95% of what I do.
Cyril: In your job?
Archer: Sure.