Archer

Mondays 10:00 PM on FX
Archer
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Cherlene: Who the hell drilled my box?
Archer: So we're just done with phrasing, right, that's not a thing anymore?

Not you, you baboon-faced-baboon.

Calderon

Lana: You think I'm Ally Sheedy?!
Cyril: Ally Sheedy would have been WAY more likely to get pregnant in High School.

We've got the whole Breakfast club in here. I'm Emilio Estevez, Cyril's obviously Anthony Michael Nerd. Mother, you're Paul Gleason, Krieger's the loose cannon Judd Nelson, and Lana, you're...

Are you people paid by the word!?

Malory

Malory: I need some more ice. Oh, and a small bowl, a mirror, a needle and thread, and a straight razor.
Lana: You're not emasculating Krieger!

Tell me what's going on or I will literally emasculate you!

Malory

Ma, they done killed old Rando.

So Gillette lands safely - I'm sure there's a joke in there about fairy dust - and then what happens?

Malory

You know what they say - it's better to have a gun and not need it, than to be the world's biggest dickhead, and inside your head, there's a million more dicks.

I meant the pain of disappointing you would bite...alligator...ish...ly.

Cyril: Archer! Alligators or your mother?
Archer: What's the difference? They're both cold-blooded, prehistoric monsters

Displaying quotes 37 - 48 of 541 in total

Archer Quotes

Cyril: Archer, do something!
Archer: Who am I, Alan Turing? He was also in X-Men, remember?

Hawley: Awww screw me!
Archer: ...said Ripley to the android Bishop.