Katya: They're jingling, baby.
Archer: Huh! I didn't know you were a fan of early crossover mainstream hip-hop!

Keep it up, Stumplestiltskin!


Kreiger: What is wrong with you people?
Pam: Ray's missing a hand!

Mallory: You do realize this is a CIA agency?
Cyril: Ostensibly.

If I wanted to hear you people scream, I'd have you flown to a CIA black site in Morocco and listen to your torture session on speakerphone!


I wouldn't even pay $2000 to get myself laid.


The child is sent to Bhutan, where for the next 20 years she's raised and trained as an assassin with Ra's al Ghul before returning to destroy those who once betrayed her.


Pam: No! The solution to every problem isn't throwing freakin' acid on it.
Krieger: Unless the problem is a solution with an overly alkaline pH balance.

Pam: Cyril, you can lie to yourself...
Ray: Obviously, look at your sweater.

I know you better sit your ass down before I jam an Easy Spirit up it.


Just the Tip!

Pam: But wait, why are you telling me about your plan not to make Lana jealous.
Archer: Because I- oh my god, Pam, I think you might be my best friend
Pam: You're my best friend! (hugs him)
Archer: But what about Cheryl?
Pam: You're my second best friend!

Archer Quotes

Cheryl: What the stupid shit are you doing??
Cyril: You said you wanted watermelon.
Cheryl: Watermelon's red?
Cyril: Yes. How do you not know that?
Cheryl: Who am I? Charles Frederick Andress?

Cyril: Why are you so scared of crocodiles?
Archer: Gee, I don't know, Cyril. Maybe deep down I'm afraid of any apex predator that lived through the K-T extinction. Physically unchanged for a hundred million years, because it's the perfect killing machine. A half ton of cold-blooded fury, the bite force of 20,000 Newtons, and stomach acid so strong it can dissolve bones and hoofs.