Lana: Oh my God, that's a coca-leaf smoothie.
Cherlee: And they're gross - it basically tastes like a fart of itself.

I'm sorry, Lana. I said a woman. Not a stevedore who lost his hand in a stevedoring accident and then got a hand transplant from an actual bear!

I couldn't hear you over the sound of this gigantic freakin' tank!

Cyril

Calderon: I was bluffing the whole time, I'm totally out of bullets!
Archer: My bad guys, that's on me.

Archer: How dirty do you think my junk is?!
Malory: As dirty as if it was made of dirt and then got dropped in some different dirt and then Pigpen came along and kicked it around with his dirty shoes.

When we get home, first thing, we are bingewatching SchoolHouse Rock.

Archer: Wait - is that an extremely ill-phrased analogy about my penis?
Lana: Yes, Archer, it is, because everything, everywhere, everywhen is about the paragon of adequacy that is your dick.

Archer: Please don't slash the painting, it's...priceless!
Lana: But worthless if you damage it. But even though it's very delicate, it can withstand a surprising amount of shit.

Well, one's thing for sure. If I had to do it over, I'd be a dictator.

Cyril

(imitating Malory) Cyril, shut up and find the vehicle..meh-heh-heh...I'm a hateful shrew.

Cyril

Kreiger clones: All will be revealed...in time.
Kreiger: And if there's one thing I love more than triumph, it's annoying vagueness.

Krieger: I think it's some unholy adolescent human amphibian hybrid creature.
Kreiger clones: Yes.
Krieger: I'm home! I'm finally home!

Archer Quotes

Cheryl: What the stupid shit are you doing??
Cyril: You said you wanted watermelon.
Cheryl: Watermelon's red?
Cyril: Yes. How do you not know that?
Cheryl: Who am I? Charles Frederick Andress?

Cyril: Archer, do something!
Archer: Who am I, Alan Turing? He was also in X-Men, remember?