Archer Season 1 Quotes
(Malory is Depressed because she thinks Sterling's Dead)
Malory: (Despondent) Bring me some posion Pam because I don't wish to live anymore! I'm dead inside...
Pam: (holding notice) Too, dead inside to read good news?
Malory: (overly dramatic) Is it my Obituary?
Pam: (smirking) Well, it's not that much good news.
Malory: (snarling) GIVE ME THAT, OAF!!
(looks at paper) OH MY GOD! Sterling! He's Alive!!
- Permalink: Bring me some posion Pam because I don't wish to live anymore! I...
Malory: (discussing Arhcer) He'll be back! Crying for his mommy, just like that christmas break when I moved and forgot to give the boarding school my new address. (Carol who's listening gasps) I mean he rode the train all the way into town he couldn't pick up a phone book!? (Carol gasps horrified) 9 years old and crying for his mommy in that Police Station like a little girl! What does that tell you?
Carol: (disgusted) Kind of a lot actually....
Malory: (annoyed) Oh shut up I bet your barren.
- Permalink: He'll be back! Crying for his mommy, just like that christmas br...
(While chasing a rouge agent)
Archer: O.D.I.N. doesn't beat Sterling Archer, only Archer beats...
(The car stops in the Town Square, the Agent nowhere in sight)
Lana: Didja, wanna finish that thought?
Archer: Didja, wanna shut your negative (sturggles to think of insult) bad wordsy mouth!?
- Permalink: O.D.I.N. doesn't beat Sterling Archer, only Archer beats... ...
(Barry walks into the Office thinking Lana killed Archer)
Lana: (offscreen) Barry, you might want to call the cleaners.
(We hear something smash)
Lana: (looks down at unconscious Barry) Because there is lamp everywhere.
- Permalink: Barry, you might want to call the cleaners. Wha...? ...
Carol: So after I..(dodges a thrown Vase) after I call your vase guy?
Malory: (refering to Archer) Freeze everyone of his accounts!! And then call woodhouse, then we'll see how long Sterling can go without suckling at my teat!
Carol: (shudder) Ugh!
- Permalink: So after I.. after I call your vase guy? Freeze everyone of...
(To himself) Barry, does this make up for Framboise? It does other Barry, it sure does.Barry
- Permalink: Barry, does this make up for Framboise? It does other Barry, it...
(Carol to Cyril, who has his hand pinned to Pam's mouth)
Carol: (suspicous) What are you doing?
Cyril: (lying) Just trying to get my muffin back!
Carol: Uh, not like that your not (growls) You gotta slug her in the stomach, with a forarm shiver.
(Cyril looks at Pam, who gives him a pleading look)
Carol: DO IT!!!
(Rams his forarm into Pam's stomach)
Pam: (Throws up contents and key) Bleeck!
Carol: See? Time lost is muffin lost (drops lunch bag) And so is my appetite.
- Permalink: What are you doing? Just trying to get my muffin back! Uh, ...
Pam: Come on Ms. Archer! You've been in there ten hours, meet us half way and Krieger will let you out of there.
Krieger: Or else he'll crank up the heat again.
Cheryl: I love... that you know how to do that.
Krieger: And I love that I have an erection, that didn't involve homeless people.
- Permalink: Come on Ms. Archer! You've been in there ten hours, meet us half...
(Kreiger is choking Carol/Cheryl with his robotic hand)
Carol/Cheryl: (strangled) Kreiger! Grrgh Doopp!! Goont Dooop!
(Kreiger turn off the arm, Carol/Cheryl pants and gasps)
Kreiger: OH GOD! I am so sorry I didn't realize...
Carol/Cheryl: (annoyed) What are you doing? I said "Don't stop!"
- Permalink: Kreiger! Grrgh Doopp!! Goont Dooop! OH GOD! I am so sorry I ...