Archer Season 1 Quotes
Krenshaw: Jesus, Archer, you think this is a game?
Archer: No, I think Jenga's a game.
- Permalink: Jesus, Archer, you think this is a game? No, I think Jenga's a...
Lana: (to Cyril) Seriously, you cheated on me with Carol!?
(Mentioned girl passes by open door)
Cheryl: It's Cheryl!
Lana: (to Cyril) Exactly, I think I made my point.
- Permalink: Seriously, you cheated on me with Carol!? It's Cheryl! E...
Malory: This is why I can't have nice things
Archer: Why, because you shoot them?
- Permalink: This is why I can't have nice things Why, because you shoot th...
(Lana's voice is heard on Intercom)
Lana: Hi, if any of you men want to have sex with me (Cyril gasps) Come to my office and take a number.
(A large crowd of men appear before Lana's office. With Pam shoving her way thru.)
Pam: You heard the lady! (holds up piece of paper with number one on it) Take a number!!
- Permalink: Hi, if any of you men want to have sex with me Come to my offic...
Sterling Archer: ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND? (throws glass tumbler into decanter)
Malory Archer: I must be, because it looks like you just destroyed my Steuben bar set.
Sterling Archer: Well you just destroyed my innocence!
Malory Archer: Oh Please! That Brazilian au pair did that when you were thirteen.
Sterling Archer: Twelve.
- Permalink: ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND? I must be, because it looks like yo...
(Trying to figure out who Archers father is)
Archer: And just who might my dad be?
Malory: Gene Krupa, no wait... not Krupa... the other one, the one with Teeth......Buddy Rich.
Archer: (shocked) What?
Malory: I could never say no to a drummer.
Archer: (furious) COULD YOU SAY NO TO ANYONE!!?
(Malory vicously slaps him across face and glares)
Malory: (glowering) I said no to plenty.
- Permalink: And just who might my dad be? Gene Krupa, no wait not Krupa...
Archer: I'm hungry.
Malory: So lick that coat. You smell like a...
Archer: Grill cheese.
Archer: Grill me a cheese.
Malory: I'm not grilling you a cheese!
Archer: (Begins sobbing)
- Permalink: I'm hungry. So lick that coat. You smell like a... Grill ch...
What! Who's there!? What do you want!? Because all your gonna get is holes...Uh.. I mean... holes in you... not my holes...Malory
- Permalink: What! Who's there!? What do you want!? Because all your gonna g...
ISIS Agent: No.
ISIS Agent: No.
Pam: Have sex with me!
ISIS Agent: No.
ISIS Agent: No!
Pam: Gesturing with the dolphin hand-puppet towards his crotch
Aww, come on..
ISIS Agent: Pam...
Pam: Still in the dolphin voice
Nobody will ever know....
ISIS Agent: Yeah... I'd know.
- Permalink: No. Yes! No. Have sex with me! No. Please? No! Ges...
Carol: So after I..(dodges a thrown Vase) after I call your vase guy?
Malory: (refering to Archer) Freeze everyone of his accounts!! And then call woodhouse, then we'll see how long Sterling can go without suckling at my teat!
Carol: (shudder) Ugh!
- Permalink: So after I.. after I call your vase guy? Freeze everyone of...
(To himself) Barry, does this make up for Framboise? It does other Barry, it sure does.Barry
- Permalink: Barry, does this make up for Framboise? It does other Barry, it...
(Malory is Depressed because she thinks Sterling's Dead)
Malory: (Despondent) Bring me some posion Pam because I don't wish to live anymore! I'm dead inside...
Pam: (holding notice) Too, dead inside to read good news?
Malory: (overly dramatic) Is it my Obituary?
Pam: (smirking) Well, it's not that much good news.
Malory: (snarling) GIVE ME THAT, OAF!!
(looks at paper) OH MY GOD! Sterling! He's Alive!!
- Permalink: Bring me some posion Pam because I don't wish to live anymore! I...
(Learning him and Lana have to share a one bed room)
Archer: Lana, lana, lana, lana (Shouts) LANNNNNAAAAAAA!!
Archer: (snickers) Danger Zone....
- Permalink: Lana, lana, lana, lana LANNNNNAAAAAAA!! WHAT!!!? Danger Zo...
KGB (Crenshaw): This may be old cliche, but... we have ways of making you talk.
Archer: What, your little go-kart battery?
KGB (Crenshaw): Golf cart.
Archer: Whatever. Would you pick an accent and stick with it?
- Permalink: This may be old cliche, but... we have ways of making you talk. ...