Arrested Development

Arrested Development "Pilot" Quotes

Lucille: Look what they've done, Michael. Look what the homosexuals have done to me.
 • Rating: 4.7 / 5.0

Michael: Unbelievable. Sounds like you saved enough skin to make 10 new boys.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Lucille: I'd rather be dead in California than alive in Arizona.
 • Rating: 4.8 / 5.0

Michael: So ... this is the magic trick, huh?
Gob: "Illusion," Michael. A "trick" is something a whore does for money. (Michael points out that a bunch of kids are staring at Gob with their mouths open) ... Or candy!
 • Rating: 4.3 / 5.0

Maeby: Um, yeah, I bought a frozen banana, and when I bit into it, I found this.
George Michael: It looks like a foot.
Maeby: It tasted like a foot. Which I didn't really mind, but I'm pretty sure I said "no nuts".
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Narrator: Then, mistaking a group of garishly dressed men for pirates, Tobias boarded a van full of homosexuals.
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Michael: Ok, guys, um ... They are going to keep Dad in prison at least until this gets all sorted out. Also, the attorney said that they're going to have to put a halt on the company's expense account. (All gasp) Interesting. I would've expected that after "They're keeping Dad in jail".
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Gob: You know, I sort of thought my contribution could be a magic show.
(Shot of Alliance of Magicians)
Michael: Oh, that's perfect, Gob.
Gob: Thank you.
Michael: Or, wait a minute. I just remembered something - Dad's retiring, not turning six.
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Lucille: And I'm putting Buster in charge.
Gob: He's a good choice.
Michael: Buster? The guy who thought that the blue on the map was land?
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Michael: Maybe you'll be inspired by the boat party tonight and start a career as a pirate.
Tobias: I haven't packed for that.
 • Rating: 3.5 / 5.0

Are we missing your favorite quote from "Pilot?" Submit it here and get points for adding quotes!