Barry Zuckerkorn: It would help if you would all show up looking like a loving, supportive family.
Lucille: For how long?
Barry Zuckerkorn: Ten minutes tops.
Lucille: See if you can get it down to five.

Gob: Hey, guy ... They tell me you're the actor who plays Marta's brother Tio.
Tio: Cmo?
Gob: You're going to be in a como, all right.

(Michael remembers he has to appear in court to support his father)
Michael: My father's ... hearing.
Marta: With my father, it is the vision.

That's one of the things that attracted me to you; your sense of right and wrong. I also like your hair and your face and your breasts.

Michael

George Michael: Uncle Gob, was Aunt Lindsay ever pregnant?
Gob: Yeah, sure, dozens of times.

(Maeby walks down to see her parents fighting)
Lindsay: I'm saying everytime something starts to go well for you, you blow it.
Tobias: Nothing has ever gone well for me and you know it!
Lindsay: That's my point, you ... (sees Maeby) ... handsome cowboy, you.
Tobias: Oh, great. And now you're mocking me. You selfish c... (sees Maeby) ... ountry-music-loving lady.

Maeby: Don't talk to me about my mom. She's crazy. Both of them are. Sometimes, I wish we weren't even related.
George Michael: Hey, you know, maybe we're not. Because when you think about it, we don't really even look like each other.
Maeby: No, I was talking about my parents. God, what's wrong with this family?!

Lucille: Why haven't you called me back? I'm worried about your father's hearing.
Michael: Mom, listen, it's going to be fine. I'm on it, ok? I'm taking care of it. I'll be there first thing Friday morning.
Lucille: It's tomorrow at 4:30!
Michael: Oh, I should write that down.

Buster: Mom always taught us to curl up in a ball and remain motionless when confronted. That's what I did in high school when I almost got into a fight.
Michael: I think that was about being attacked by bears.

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