Arrested Development

Arrested Development Season 1 Quotes (Page 2)

Season 1 Episode 21: "Not Without My Daughter"

Michael: Hey, Mom, why can't Buster pretend to be your escort? That's the way he's got it in all his cartoons.
 • Rating: Unrated

Lindsay: Michael, it was shoplifting, and I'm white. I think I'm going to be ok.
 • Rating: Unrated

Gob: What do you use for misdirection?
Lindsay: Misdirection?
Gob: Yeah, I mean if you're so good at magic, what did you have them looking at to divert their attention?
Lindsay: I don't know. My ass.
Gob: My ass. You're lying.
 • Rating: Unrated

George Michael: There are certain things that I can talk to you about that I can't really with my dad, like, uh ... were-were you ever awkward around girls?
Gob: What do you mean? Like if there were three of us and I didn't know where to start? No, I think I did pretty well. Not a lot of complaints, if you know what I mean. At least not from the girl.
 • Rating: Unrated

George Michael: Hey, Dad. Do you think this purse goes with this outfit? Where'd my dad go?
Tobias: (falsetto) Douche-chill.
 • Rating: Unrated

(On a 'Girls with Low Self-Esteem' video for Gob's magic act)
Announcer: It was a wild time on the beach, and if you like magic, look away. The only thing this guy could make fly away was the crowd.
 • Rating: Unrated

George, Sr.: Ban on organized sports?
Buster: You know, how you wouldn't let me sign up for anything when I was a kid.
George, Sr.: Is that what you've been thinking all these years? No, no, look, you were ... you were just a turd out there, you know? You couldn't kick, and you couldn't run, you know? You were just a turd.
Buster: Prison has destroyed the way you talk. If that's what it takes to impress these guys around here, then they are not your friends.
 • Rating: 3.5 / 5.0

Season 1 Episode 20: "Whistler's Mother"

Lucille: Why have we been spending so much money on whistles?
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Gob's Wife: I'm in love with your brother-in-law.
Gob: You're in love with your own brother? The one in the army?
Gob's Wife: No, your sister's husband.
Gob: Michael? Michael!
Gob's Wife: No, that's your sister's brother.
Gob: No, I'm my sister's brother. You're in love with me - me.
Gob's Wife: I'm in love with Tobias.
Gob: My brother-in-law?
Gob's Wife: I know it can never be, so I'm leaving. I'm enlisting in the army.
Gob: To be with your brother ...
Gob's Wife: No!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Maeby: It all adds up. He stole somebody's hair, made a wig, knocked out the guard, tunneled his way through a sewer line, and then stopped to get a candy apple on his way to Mexico!
George Michael: Of course! You're mocking me.
Maeby: Of course.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Michael: Is this about the money?
Gob: No.
Michael: What do you want?
Gob: I mean, it's not about money in the sense that I'm coming here saying, "Here, Michael. Take some money." It's just more of a "may I have some" kind of visit.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Lindsay: I'm protesting the war. There's a war going on, you know.
Maeby: Yeah. I'm the one who told you, and you said it happened ten years ago.
 • Rating: Unrated

George Sr.: Michael, this is my brother. Do you know what it's like to have a sibling who has no source of income except for you?
Michael: Just one? No, no idea. It sounds wonderful, though.
 • Rating: Unrated

Lucille: Buster's jaw clicks when he eats. I think it's what's driving his friends away. I sent him to Canada for an operation, so I'll need some of that new money that just came in.
Michael: You know, Mom, if you want an operation that's really going to help him, you ought to have them finally cut that cord.
 • Rating: Unrated

Lucille: It's a hug, Michael; I'm hugging you.
Michael: Well, why?
Lucille: Because you need your mother right now.
Michael: But I don't get along with my ... Sorry, that was - that was a knee jerk.
 • Rating: Unrated

Lindsay: All your water's doing is whetting my appetite for protest. No hair for oil! No hair for oil!
 • Rating: Unrated

Michael: Well, this money is for land, okay? We're not going to burn through it like Dad did when he was in charge with his bad investments and his corrupt dealings ... Mother's neck ...
Lindsay: No, that was a good investment.
Michael: It is easier to look at now, isn't it?
 • Rating: Unrated

Michael: Ok, there's still three whistles left out there. Whose got the whistles?
Board Member #1: (blows whistle) He kept one.
Michael: There's a good example of whistle blowing, ok, but you've kept yours, so it's hurting your case.
Board Member #1: I was in the bathroom when you asked for it back.
Board Member #2: (blows whistle) No, he wasn't.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Tobias: I just need to prove to my wife that I can act like a man. And it's not about sex. I don't just lie there, if that's what you're thinking.
Michael: That's not what I was thinking.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Tobias: Well, I've always wanted to remake Annie Hall. Except, I wouldn't want to get in bed with a green producer like a Sofia Coppola, though. Oh, but give me an old pro like a Robert Redford. Oh, I'd jump into bed with him in a second. And I wouldn't just lie there, Michael Bluth, if that's what you're thinking.
Michael: Actually, that time, that was what I was thinking.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

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