Patient: There's like this longing ... this pull. I mean, does that make me, you know, like, some kind of ... ?
Young Maeby: Homosexual.
Tobias: Maeby, please. She's right, though. You probably are a homosexual.

Michael: What? What's going on?
Annyong: Ok. Mother want someone to go to my soccer game with. She don't want other soccer moms think that she is single mother. She old school.
Michael: I liked it better when he just said "Annyong".

Michael, it was shoplifting, and I'm white. I think I'm going to be ok.

Lindsay

It was a wild time on the beach, and if you like magic, look away. The only thing this guy could make fly away was the crowd.

</i> Announcer

George Michael: You know, say what you will about America. Thirteen bucks still gets you a hell of a lot of mice.
Gob: Who said anything bad about America?

Well, they expect a certain amount of theft, Michael. It's built into the price. If I didn't take it, then people would be overpaying for nothing.

Lindsay

Gob: What do you use for misdirection?
Lindsay: Misdirection?
Gob: Yeah, I mean if you're so good at magic, what did you have them looking at to divert their attention?
Lindsay: I don't know. My ass.
Gob: My ass. You're lying.

George Michael: Hey, Dad. Do you think this purse goes with this outfit? Where'd my dad go?
Tobias: (falsetto) Douche-chill.

Oscar: Ok, but I never meant to break up your family. Your mom called me for a reason. I-I don't think she's happy.
Buster: No, she's happy. She's just mean all the time.

George, Sr.: Ban on organized sports?
Buster: You know, how you wouldn't let me sign up for anything when I was a kid.
George, Sr.: Is that what you've been thinking all these years? No, no, look, you were ... you were just a turd out there, you know? You couldn't kick, and you couldn't run, you know? You were just a turd.
Buster: Prison has destroyed the way you talk. If that's what it takes to impress these guys around here, then they are not your friends.

George Michael: There are certain things that I can talk to you about that I can't really with my dad, like, uh ... were-were you ever awkward around girls?
Gob: What do you mean? Like if there were three of us and I didn't know where to start? No, I think I did pretty well. Not a lot of complaints, if you know what I mean. At least not from the girl.

Michael: Lindsay, new outfit?
Lindsay: This? No, I've had this for years. I think it's a hand-me-down from Mom.
Michael: You got a price tag. Right there.
Lindsay: Is there? I guess she wanted me to have something new. Sweet old thing.
Michael: Only two of those words describe Mom, so I know you're lying to me.

Arrested Development Season 1 Quotes

Michael: (to George Michael) I'm gonna give you a promotion. Welcome aboard, Mr. Manager.
George Michael: Wow! I'm Mr. Manager!
Michael: Well, manager. We just say manager. And you can hire an employee if you need one.
George Michael: Do you think I need one?
Michael: Don't look at me, Mr. Manager.
George Michael: Right. It's up to me now. I'm Mr. Manager.
Michael: Manager. We just say, uh --
George Michael: I know, but you just said --
Michael: Doesn't matter who.

(Regarding Buster) Maybe it was the eleven months he spent in the womb. The doctor said there were claw marks on the walls of her uterus. But he was her 'miracle baby'. And I-I was just too burnt out on raising you guys to care. So... He turned out a little soft, you know...

George Sr.