Patient: There's like this longing ... this pull. I mean, does that make me, you know, like, some kind of ... ?
Young Maeby: Homosexual.
Tobias: Maeby, please. She's right, though. You probably are a homosexual.

George Michael: Hey, Dad. Do you think this purse goes with this outfit? Where'd my dad go?
Tobias: (falsetto) Douche-chill.

Michael: Lindsay, new outfit?
Lindsay: This? No, I've had this for years. I think it's a hand-me-down from Mom.
Michael: You got a price tag. Right there.
Lindsay: Is there? I guess she wanted me to have something new. Sweet old thing.
Michael: Only two of those words describe Mom, so I know you're lying to me.

Tobias: I must warn you, Michael, she doesn't respond well to strict directives.
Maeby: All right.
Tobias: That was odd.
Michael: Not really. Kids love boundaries. I mean, look at these girls. (Talking about the "Girls with Low Self-Esteem" tape) Is this what you want?
Tobias: Oh, God, no.
Michael: This could be where your daughter is headed.
Tobias: Oh, no, no, I don't want this for Maeby either.

George Michael: There are certain things that I can talk to you about that I can't really with my dad, like, uh ... were-were you ever awkward around girls?
Gob: What do you mean? Like if there were three of us and I didn't know where to start? No, I think I did pretty well. Not a lot of complaints, if you know what I mean. At least not from the girl.

Michael: I gave you permission to use the yacht. You blew it up.
Gob: Yeah, well, if you give someone permission to use a tissue, you can't be upset if they blow their nose. Right? I mean ...

It was a wild time on the beach, and if you like magic, look away. The only thing this guy could make fly away was the crowd.

</i> Announcer

Michael, it was shoplifting, and I'm white. I think I'm going to be ok.

Lindsay

George, Sr.: Ban on organized sports?
Buster: You know, how you wouldn't let me sign up for anything when I was a kid.
George, Sr.: Is that what you've been thinking all these years? No, no, look, you were ... you were just a turd out there, you know? You couldn't kick, and you couldn't run, you know? You were just a turd.
Buster: Prison has destroyed the way you talk. If that's what it takes to impress these guys around here, then they are not your friends.

Well, they expect a certain amount of theft, Michael. It's built into the price. If I didn't take it, then people would be overpaying for nothing.

Lindsay

Gob: What do you use for misdirection?
Lindsay: Misdirection?
Gob: Yeah, I mean if you're so good at magic, what did you have them looking at to divert their attention?
Lindsay: I don't know. My ass.
Gob: My ass. You're lying.

Oscar: Ok, but I never meant to break up your family. Your mom called me for a reason. I-I don't think she's happy.
Buster: No, she's happy. She's just mean all the time.

Displaying quotes 13 - 24 of 574 in total

Arrested Development Season 1 Quotes

Lucille: I'll be in the hospital bar.
Michael: Uh, you know there isn't a hospital bar, Mother.
Lucille: Well, this is why people hate hospitals.

I'd rather be dead in California than alive in Arizona.

Lucille
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