Bored to Death Quotes
Jonathan: Why was [Priscilla] your best wife?
George: Everything with her is as intimate as kissing. I never really got over it. Most orgasmic woman I've ever been with.
I love martinis. They heal all wounds.
George
Yousef: (looking at Jonathan's black eye then to Ray) Lovers quarrel?
Jonathan: Ummm...more or less.
(to Ray before his colonic) Don't be scared. It will a good experience for you, I promise. I am going to find all your treasures.
Yousef
Jonathan: God, that's the biggest herpes blister I've ever seen in my life.
George: Thank you. I'm very proud of it.
Jonathan: Oh my God, what the hell happened to your lip? You were stung by a bee?
George: Yes. A bee with herpes.
(Jennifer suspecting her boyfriend is cheating)
Jonathan: Are you sure?
Jennifer: That's what my therapist said. 'Are you sure?' Yes, I'm sure! God, it's like I'm surrounded by Holocaust deniers. It happened. I'm sure!
Jonathan: 'I love you more than you know. Jonathan.'
Suzanne: That was a nice note. But you don't have to read your name in the end.
Jonathan: I know. I'm very literal-minded. You know that.
Nobody's really loved for themselves. Are they? I mean, all love is projection.
George
When I'm with her, I'm going to eat vegan, but when I'm not with her, I'm going to eat like an American.
Ray
It's dangerous to go cold turkey - I'm down to white wine.
Jonathan
These one hitters should really be called three hitters.
George
