It's sounds like Joy Behar falling down some stairs!


Gina: Jake, you have 6 massage chairs.
Jake: Well they don't make a massage couch!

Jake: So talk to me Goose, how are we lookin'?
Gina: Sexy, but not like we're trying to, but like, sure we're trying, but it's almost effortless?

Next time I catch him shaving I'm gonna punch him so hard in the mouth that he bites his own heart.


I feel like a proud mama hen whose baby chicks have learned to fly!


Holt: I know you'd all rather be at home binge-watching media content...
Jake: Ohhh! I just started the second season of "Media Content". No spoilers.

Holt: Do you see me as a father figure?
Jake: No! If anything I see you as a "bother" figure cause you're always bothering me.

You've been needling poor Peralta so much you've practically made him a new suit!


Blink twice if you'd like me to mercy kill you.


I feel like I'm the Paris of people.


My mother cried when I was born because she knew that she'd never be better than me.


The crap library. All of the magazines are in the bathroom.