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You're gonna open it? You do realize that nothing good has ever been found in a vent?

Shirley

Shirley: Why are there books in the an air vent?
Jeff: Why is there hot sauce in the bathroom? It's Greendale!

Annie: That's why Abed is like a brother to me. You guys are so alike.
Abed: I can't accept that based on one time machine story.

You're like ice cream cake out there--overkill.

Abed

Britta: I'm a psych major! Words are my weapons!
Security Guard: I'm a security guard. Weapons are my weapons.

Britta: You know who else it made sense to?
Annie: Say 'Hitler' one more time and I am giving you a 2.

Mark Zuckerberg is Fidel Castro in flip-flops. Meowmeowbeenz is gonna make East Berlin look like Woodstock.

Professor Hickey

As long as you're happy...I'm unsettled.

Jeff

There already was a rating system in place, it was called 'Cool People Get More,' and it was working fine.

Jeff

Chang: Hey! Those guys in there told me that you're the one that died in a fire and you're a ghost!
Janitor: And you just believed 'em? You just believed a bunch of ghosts??

And you're going to pull a Dane Cook in one of those three movies he was in about Dane Cook getting laid by accident! Only, it's not a Dane Cook movie, Jeff, because this time, someone's watching.

Professor Duncan

She's everything I love about America--bold, opinionated, just past her peak, and starting to realize that she has to settle.

Professor Duncan
Displaying quotes 25 - 36 of 873 in total

Community Quotes

I'm no sociopath, I always know what I'm doing is wrong. I'm just a guy that doesn't like taking tests, doing work, and getting yelled at. So if you think about it, I'm the sanest person here.

Jeff

Hello during a random dessert, the month and day of which coincide numerically with your expulsion from a uterus.

Troy [reading the cake]