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Jeff: Jules and Grayson. Is this gonna be fun or weird?
Jules: Did you ever cheat on me?
Jeff: So fun then.

Bobby: When your mom and I were married, I cheated on her.
Travis: What? No! Wait. What? Let me pick something off the floor, my jaw.
Bobby: You know?
Jules Everyone knows. The guy at the pizza place would say two medium pepperonis and you deserve better.
Travis: I figured it out when you gave me lollipop not to tell mom when you were taking a bath with a Native American.

Ellie: Andy, punishment for cheating?
Andy: Removing my own genitalia with garden shears while you watch.

As my uncle dad always told me, check yourself, before you wreck yourself.


Jules: If you go to college within six hours, I'm gonna drive there and if you don't we can rent the same movie and watch it while we're on the phone.
Travis: Sounds horrifying.

Sara: Come to dinner tonight. I can't cook, but I'll bring plenty of free wine.
Ellie: Marry me.

I always hold eye contact with people, it totally freaks out my gyno.

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