I used to watch Jeopardy! everyday because I had a major lady rod for Alex Trebek. Till I found out he was Canadian. Gross.


Just remember. You can't hear the world laughing at you if you're laughing harder.


Never judge a book by its front parts.


Ellie: Hey bartender how could you miss a question about bartending?
Grayson: I don't know. You missed the one about blood draining parasites.
Ellie: It's not the same.
Grayson: It is the same.

It chews gum while it eats buffalo wings. How did it beat us?


Cool! Wizard versus Nerd!


Wrong Balls is trending on Twitter. It's above Bieber.


Dear Lord. You know I don't bother you unless it's important. Except for that time I asked you to speed up my bangs.


The answer was Grandma Moses. You should have gotten that Ellie; weren't the two of you sorority sisters?


I heard she kicked your ass. Must sting to lose to Oldielocks.


I own the shush clap.


Laurie: I went to a crap school in a crap neighborhood and reading really got me out.
Jules: It did?
Laurie: No, car modeling did. But it's really fun to say reading did.

Cougar Town Season 2 Episode 17 Quotes

Andy: I volunteer at the women's shelter too. During self-defense classes, the women take turns kicking me in the crotch.
Grayson: So it's like a regular day at home for you.

Laurie: Jules I didn't know you sponsored an African child.
Jules: Oh yeah, little Omari. He's 10. I gotta say those letters are getting a little repetitive. It's hot; I'm hungry; there's snakes.