Curb Your Enthusiasm Quotes
Larry [on Jerry Seinfeld]: He's a eunuch. Yes, his testicles were cut of when he was about 13 because he was in the Beth Shalom choir. And that's what he wanted to be, he was a choirboy.
Phyliss: Julia, is that true? Does he really have no testicles?
Julia: You know, I've got to tell you, I don't have any fuckin' idea
Larry: What's the guy, four years old? He's got to meet Julia Louis-Dreyfus! What kind of person is that?!
Cheryl: He's a fan.
Larry: What does he expect to gain from such meeting? What does he think, he's gonna go over there, she's gonna be so charmed by him that all of a sudden they'll start becoming friends? They'll talk on the phone and go out to dinner together, go to the movies? What, start e-mailing each others' summer vacations? Is he out of his fucking mind!?
Why are you listening to me? I don't know what I'm talking about
Larry
Male Parking Attendant: "The bald guy with the glasses." That's you?
Larry: Unfortunately, that's me
Doctor: What's this?
Larry: A splint. My wife made it.
Doctor: A plastic knife? Were you at a picnic when you injured yourself?
Richard: How can you not help a blind man?
Larry: How can you say "blind man" in front of a blind man?
[Women] can't just have sex with any man, they have to really love the man to get involved with their--with their penis, with their grotesque--with their grotesque penis
Larry
Larry: Excuse me. sir, could you do me a favor? I'm going to dial a number. If a woman answers the phone, just hang up, and if a man answers, hand it back.
Man with Cellphone: Are you putting me on?
Larry: No.
Man with Cellphone: What is this about? What are you...
Larry: I hate my friend's girlfriend. I don't want to talk to her
Cheryl: Larry, please, it's fine. I don't know what you want me to say to you.
Larry: How about, "honey, I forgive you, would you like to have sex?"
My wife jokingly refers to this as "The House that Cum Built"
Gil
Brian: Should you be going to the party with your back? Can you bend over? Can you bend with your back?
Larry: Yeah.
Brian: Well, then maybe you should bend over and kiss my ass, and maybe next time you'll remember to, uh, pick up the fucking golf ball
It doesn't really affect you, does it Larry, the glass on the floor? No, because you're wearing your fucking shoes in my house! When you walk through my door, you play by my rules! You take off your fucking shoes! You and your fucking little soccer shoes in my house!
Gil's Wife
