Do you feel betrayed, humiliated? Good! Because I only did this to show you what it feels like when the person that's supposed to love you the most lies to you.

Susan [to Mike]

Every time you offer me afternoon sex it's because you want something, and it's not afternoon sex.


Carlos: Whoa!
Gaby: I know, right?

Come on, this is my chance! My aunt had a stroke while driving. When am I gonna get that lucky again?!?


This is my turn to flaunt. And I can't flaunt with a free piano.


Mike: Why is there a big ass piano in our house?
Susan: Actually, Big Ass stopped making pianos. This is a Yamaha.

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