Desperate Housewives Season 3 Episode 8: "Children and Art" Quotes
Karl: You're dating some British guy named Ian.
Susan: How did that come up?
Austin: I'm sorry, I didn't realize it was a big secret.
Karl: When you said it was true love with you and the plumber I was a good guy, I stepped aside and now you're on to someone else.
Susan: Big picture Karl. (pointing at Austin) His hand up our daughter's shirt.
Karl: Don't change the subject.
Susan: That is the subject.
Each year as part of their fund-raising drive, the Fairview Adventure Scouts would award a shiny new bike to whoever sold the most magazine subscriptions. And each scout would set out utterly convinced the prize would be hers. That's the beauty of youth. Little girls believe anything is possible...that is, until they grow up and get divorced.
Mary Alice
Karl: (About Ian) Fine, that's it, all right? I forbid you to see this guy!
Susan: What?! No! I don't take orders from you!
Julie: Mum has a point, dad. You can't tell her who she can or can't date. It's her choice.
Susan: Exactly, thank you! Wait, no, that does not apply to you!
Karl: You know if you don't care about my feelings, I don't know what I'm doing here!
Susan: Your feelings?! My God! You are the worst bad cop ever!
Susan: (to Julie) Go to your room! (Austin follows) Not you!
Marcella: You, come with me.
Gabrielle: Marcella, look, I don't know what they told you, but all I'm asking for is a simple costume change.
Marcella: First of all, you don't get to pull that diva crap. Tanya gets away with it because she's a star. You are nothing.
Gabrielle: Now, just a minute! Where do you get off talking to me like that? You know, I shot thirty-six covers by the time I was twenty!
Marcella: Well, you're thirty now. And when you make that face, you look thirty-five.
Gabrielle: Let me ask you something. Do you know how many photographers would die to work with me again?
Marcella: Yeah. Zero. I had to call in major favors just to get you this job.
Gabrielle: I don't believe that.
Marcella: Well, you know what I don't believe? You gave up a brilliant career to play house in the suburbs, and the minute it falls apart, you come back here expecting a homecoming parade. Well, guess what, sweetie? We've moved on. Now get your polyester self over there and act like the pro you used to be.
Bree: Now you listen to me. That woman gave you life, and the Fifth Commandment tells us to honor our parents no matter how hideous or repellent they may be.
Orson: That's not exactly what...
Bree: Orson, it's implied!
Susan: Julie, that boy drinks, he steals, and now I find him mauling you on my couch? That's it! Julie Alexandra Mayer, I forbid you to see him!
Julie: You can't do that! I choose who I date. You don't!
Susan: Oh, yeah? Well, maybe I don't, but I do choose to ground you. Two weeks, baby. No more.
Julie: Fine. I'll just see him at school, then.
Susan: Well, then maybe you won't go to school. I'll home school you.
Julie: Right. You're gonna teach me trig? You can't even balance your own checkbook.
Susan: Yes, and you will be poorly educated, and you won't get into college, and you will work for minimum wage for the rest of your life, and all because of that boy! I hope you're happy!
Julie: Mom, I like this guy, and I'm sorry if it makes you unhappy, but I'm going to keep seeing him no matter what. So don't try to stop me!
I don't care, my mother's not moving in here until she fits in a jar on the mantle.
Orson
Parker: You went to the store and you got shot, and auntie Nora died.
Lynette: I'm only gonna be in there for ten minutes, I promise.
Parker: Can't she go? (pointing at Mrs. McCluskey)
(A girl scout is selling magazines to Gabrielle.)
Scout: For the lady of the house we offer Redbook, Glamour, Vo-goo...
Gabrielle: I think you mean Vogue sweety.
Scout: You're sure?
Gabrielle: I should know, I was on the cover.
Scout: No way!
Gabrielle: Er... Way!
(to Bree) Why are you talking to me like I'm a moron?
Gloria
(on the phone) What do you mean you can't shoot her? Francesco, if you could airbrush her acne, you can airbrush the track marks. Now, don't call me again unless she OD's.
Marcella
Lynette: Art is the one who saved me, at the supermarket. He's sort of a superhero.
Parker: Give me a break.
Lynette: It's true.
Parker: All right. If you're a superhero, what's your name?
Art: I'm Protector Man!
