It's ironic. My life sucks, but my vacuum doesn't.

Evelyn

This rug is worth $100,000. If you ruin it, I will personally see that you end up in the public school system.

Evelyn

"You're wearing your smug smile... the one that makes me want to strike you."

Evelyn

Please stop. I just took a Valium and you are ruining it.

Evelyn

Oh, the things I've seen today. I'm going to have to go to confession twice this week.

Rosie

How can I be terrified of conflict? I'm married to you.

Spence

Is there a nice way to tell your boss he's deformed?

Carmen

I can't afford a scandal right now. I'm in negotiations with Paramount.

Peri

Are you sure you're gay because I could jump your bones right now?
 

Carmen

Evelyn: Who were you dreaming of?
Adrian: Who do you think?
Evelyn: I'm so glad she's dead.

"I don't care about photos. I don't care about evidence. My maid was murdered! Who's going to clean it up?

Evelyn

You'll be the belle of the balls... ball.

Carmen

Devious Maids Quotes

Valentina: I pray.
Adrien: Poor people have the most interesting hobbies.

"I don't care about photos. I don't care about evidence. My maid was murdered! Who's going to clean it up?

Evelyn