It's ironic. My life sucks, but my vacuum doesn't.

Evelyn

This rug is worth $100,000. If you ruin it, I will personally see that you end up in the public school system.

Evelyn

"You're wearing your smug smile... the one that makes me want to strike you."

Evelyn

Please stop. I just took a Valium and you are ruining it.

Evelyn

Oh, the things I've seen today. I'm going to have to go to confession twice this week.

Rosie

How can I be terrified of conflict? I'm married to you.

Spence

Is there a nice way to tell your boss he's deformed?

Carmen

I can't afford a scandal right now. I'm in negotiations with Paramount.

Peri

Are you sure you're gay because I could jump your bones right now?
 

Carmen

Evelyn: Who were you dreaming of?
Adrian: Who do you think?
Evelyn: I'm so glad she's dead.

"I don't care about photos. I don't care about evidence. My maid was murdered! Who's going to clean it up?

Evelyn

You'll be the belle of the balls... ball.

Carmen

Devious Maids Quotes

That's just her natural expression. Evelyn has resting murder face.

Adrian

"I don't care about photos. I don't care about evidence. My maid was murdered! Who's going to clean it up?

Evelyn