Genevieve: I always tell you about my sexual adventures.
Zoila: And I always ask you to stop.

Adrian: Why do you look so exhausted?
Evelyn: Perhaps because I begin so many of my days with conversations like this.

Evelyn: After our last conversation, she gave me this look of disdain.
Tony: Are you sure?
Evelyn: I know that look. It’s the same look I give people who fly coach.

At some point I must have given you the impression I enjoy small talk with the help, and that’s not the case. Will you please accept my apology as you leave to scrub my toilet?


Tony: How soon until we go in and take off our clothes?
Evelyn: Out of respect, we should wait until his car leaves the driveway.

Trust me. The man bowels are nothing but predictable.


Genevieve: This is the answer to our prayers. God has sent you a handsome, successful man you can use to torture and torment your husband. Do not reject this gift from above.
Zoila: Well, I do try to be a good Catholic.

Genevieve: You know he thinks you’re lovely in that ugly top.
Zoila: You gave me this top.

Trust me, I landed two husbands with these.


I could care less if you sleep with her. It makes no difference to me, but just know Tanya’s breasts are fake and she’s had Chlamydia twice.


Zoila: I say you’re an amazing woman.
Genevieve: So true.

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  • Added:

I will never handle any gun – especially yours.


Devious Maids Quotes

"I don't care about photos. I don't care about evidence. My maid was murdered! Who's going to clean it up?


"I think what you people do is heroic. You wash clothes you can't afford. You polish silver you will never dine with. You mop floors for people who don't bother to learn your last names, and still you dare to dream of a better life. I am in awe of your determination to succeed in this great country of ours. That said, if you don't stop screwing my husband, I'm going to have you deported. Comprende?"