[about Sherlock] Fluent in three dozen languages, and he still hasn't seen Say Anything.

Joan

Joan: Here's a question we should have asked ten minutes ago: what if these cuffs really are unpickable?

Like five married people could ever agree on anything...

Gregson

[about Detective Cortes] I think she may be insane.

Joan

Sherlock: You allowed Detective Cortes to land far too many punches.
Joan: I did. But all that matters is that I landed the last one.

Stabbed in the chest and incinerated. Did the killer also throw him off a roof?

Sherlock

Vintage rainbow suspenders? If there's money to be made in this, I need to get to my parents' garage fast!

Joan

Bell: What are you doing?
Sherlock: [has two bikes with him] These were chained to a lamppost down the street.
Bell: And you figured you'd... steal them?
Sherlock: I'm re-stealing them. I peruse the crime blotter when I'm bored, and these were stolen in Chelsea last month.
Bell: And you're just gonna walk around with them for the rest of the day?
Sherlock: Don't be ridiculous. This one's for you.

You do realize that pink coconuts do not occur in nature?

Sherlock

Sherlock: Your 'help' has just resulted in that man's murder. Again.
Joan: Okay, first of all, he wasn't murdered, he was zapped into another dimension. And second of all, he still has two lives left.

You know what doesn't scare me at all? Comin' back to my garage and finding that some strange white guy let himself in. Not like that's ever gone badly for me!

Alfredo

Morland Holmes: [about Lukas Muller's predecessor] We had a long and prosperous relationship, until one day he decided it wasn't quite prosperous enough.
Interpol Agent Lukas Muller: My God, Morland. His *children* found him!
Morland Holmes: They were *meant* to. Tell me, Lukas. How are your daughters?