Elementary
Thursdays 10:00 PM on CBSElementary Quotes
You want to steal something from a heavily-armed, meth-dealing band of bike-riding Satanists.
Sherlock
Neil Dannon: Look, Toby is not some loner creep, no matter how hard you try to paint him like one.
Sherlock [pulls out a box full of mutilated photos]: You were saying?
We really are living in a golden age for perverts.
Joan
So, you'll break her nose, put her in the ER, but you draw the line at murder?
Marcus Bell
Do me a favor -- don't be too careful when you arrest them. Person who did this belongs down here.
Eugene
Well, I've always found the best way to come at a haystack is with a pitchfork.
Sherlock
Oh, and if you have any lingering doubts, here's how you can be certain I'm not the one who tried to kill you -- you're alive!
Sherlock
Sherlock: I know, Father.
Morland: Know what?
Sherlock: Why you never mentioned your brush with death. Why you never asked me, the finest detective you know, for assistance. You believe that I'm the man who tried to kill you.
Joan: Were you two in a fight, or were you having sex?
Sherlock: The two aren't mutually exclusive...
Joan: A woman did this to you.
Sherlock: ...a highly-trained woman.
Well, you're lying, so I'll just have to investigate the matter myself.
Sherlock
I could have sworn I had that statue removed!
Morland [regarding Sherlock]