Ari: 100 days. You do everything that I say, or you don't.
Lloyd: Fine...
Ari: First thing I'm saying, you drop 15 pounds.
Lloyd: You wan't me to drop 15 pounds...
Ari: I'm asking that for Tom, what I want will be much harder. Now go.
Lloyd: I'm gonna make it through this Ari Gold!
Ari: It will be worse then when you had your anal cherry popped, but hey, you just might

Shauna: Nice of you to show Ari.
Ari: Nice of you to lose the baby weight. What do you have like nine kids now?
Shauna: Three asshole.
Ari: Really, did you figure out who the fathers are?
Shauna: Don't take it out on me you don't have an excuse for those extra pounds...
Ari: Eh, I'm still at 6% body fat, OK?
Shauna: Yeah, and still 94% full of shit.

Lloyd: I had dinner with my parents last night, and my father spent the entire meal reaming me out.
Ari: You never told him you liked dick.
Lloyd: He knew that the time I was nine.
Ari: I'm not following you but the phone is ringing.
Lloyd: I need to talk to you about my ... career.
Ari: The career you won't have if you don't answer the phone?

Employee: Morning Ari, how are you?
Ari: Well, my girl won her debate on Friday, my boy scored a goal on soccer on Saturday and my wife agreed to visit her mother without me. I don't know how things could get much better!

Vince: I'd just be happy to avoid a Razzie
Drama: There's nothing wrong with a Razzie
Turtle: Johnny's gonna go for the hat trick if he ever does another movie
Drama: I only have one Razzie, asshole

You either owe me an apology or blow job, your choice!

Ari [to Babs]

You're never going to be in a relationship as long as you're living in a frat house

Sloan [to Eric]

Pussy can smell other pussy and they have to pounce on it. That's why when you're on a hot streak you go to press it. Just like in blackjack.

Displaying all 8 quotes