Johnny Drama: [to the producer] You look familiar.
Audition Producer: You auditioned for me a couple of years ago.
Johnny Drama: Oh yeah yeah, how did that go?
Audition Producer: [pauses, doesn't really know what to say] You know...
Johnny Drama: Yeah, you can't book 'em all.

Eric: You know what, I don't even have health insurance.
Ari Gold: Yeah, but I bet you had it over at Quiznos.
Eric: Sbarro's. And I had a business card.
Ari Gold: There you go.

Everybody knows the best whores in the country are in Vancouver.


Ari: From now on ask my permission before you bang one of my assistants.
Eric: How'd you know that?
Ari: 'Cause I know all. And I could have told you that this would end badly. Now I gotta go fire her so you don't feel weird.
Eric: No. Don't fire her.
Ari: All right. Well, I'll just sexually harass her until she quits.

Ari: You deal with talent the same way that you deal with women. You have to make them believe that they need you more then you need them.
Eric: He doesn't need me that much.
Ari: Of course he doesn't need you. You're fucking worthless. I could get a million morons to come in here and do the job. That's not the point.
Eric: Then what is the point, Ari?
Ari: The point is that he is an insecure fuck, like all beautiful-but-handed-everything-on-a-silver-platter people. He doesn't trust anyone in this world but you. You've been born into royalty baby. You know it. Now you just gotta be thankful, and wear the crown.

I thought you already were his manager. Because believe me I would not put up with this much shit from anyone who wasn't.

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