Vince: Turtle, how many relationships have I had?
Turtle: Huh?
Vince: Deep, real, meaningful relationships.
Turtle: Not counting us?
Vince: Women.
Turtle: I don't think any.

Johnny Drama: Not only are we gonna lose 'Johnny's Bananas' but he's going to bury my miners.
Dice: Johnny, show 'em how strong you are. You believed when you came into this you had the right goal, right?
Drama: Yeah, yeah but I don't know! Maybe I'm just a crazy self-sabotager like my therapist says.

Ari: Yo Grill Master! Are you in my house? I've got a new show for you. It's called 'Boy Meets Husband Who Kills Him!'
Mrs. Ari: Ari!
Bobby Flay: I'm not hiding, Ari.
Ari: Well you should.

David Spade: I've never signed a blueprint before.
Gina De Luca: Yeah, could you write something funny?
David: Sure, there's 'something funny.'
Gina: Well that's very clever.
David: Jay Leno makes a smiley face, find him.
Gina: So it's really true huh? That very tiny guy gets lots of p*ssy.

Johnny Galecki: She tried to f*ck me last year at the Golden Globes. Followed me right into the men's room.
Eric: Really?
Johnny Galecki: Or maybe I followed her into the ladies room. I was a little busted up. Either way...

Ari: Barbra, hi.
Barbara Miller: "Barbara hi?" What kind of a weird greeting is that?
Ari: What would you like?
Barbara: It's not what I'd like, but I'm more used to, "Hey Babs, you're so old I'm surprised they didn't carry you here in a coffin."

Vince: Hey, there's my motherf*cker. Get it?
Eric: Oh I get it, hilarious.
Johnny Drama: I don't get it.
Turtle: Mother f*cker. E f*cked the mother.
Drama: Oh you mean step mother f*cker. I get it! That's funny bro.

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