Sundays 9:00 PM on FOX
Family-guy

Lois: Meg, you're a sweet, beautiful girl, he'll come around.
Meg: That's such a mom answer.
Lois: Well, have you tried showing him the goods? How's that for a mom answer?
Meg: Creepy

I just suggested a line of handicapable toys - ya know, to show the kids the fun of being physically challenged

Joe

You're not supposed to admire wheelchair people. You're supposed to feel sorry for them

Peter

Lois: They might be very nice people.
Peter: Very nice people, yeah that's what they always say. Then you open up the septic tank and BAM, skeleton city

Mr. Weed: Unfortunately, Johnson isn't here to pitch today, his wife is in labor.
Peter: Oh what, is the baby coming out of him? Jeez, I'll pitch

Joe: Say, do you have a screwdriver I can borrow?
Peter: Man, you neighbors are like viruses, starts with a screwdriver, then before you know it you're using my supermarket, dry cleaner, even my postman

Peter: Boy, I got myself into a real situation, didn't I? But don't worry, I've got a plan to get us out of this!
Brian: Oh, good, I was afraid you were just going to improvise.
Peter: Oh, well actually I was gonna use the little girl as a human shield and run like hell! But uh, yeah, improvise. That'll be easier on my back

Bonnie: The movers tracked grease all over my carpet. I tried everything to get the stain out.
Lois: What about lemon juice?
Bonnie: Oh, what about club soda?
Stewie: What about shutting the hell up?

Old Woman: Help! Someone just stole my purse!
Peter: Who cares, I don't even know you

Displaying quotes 1 - 9 of 11 in total