Family Guy

Family Guy Quotes

Season 10 Episode 21: "Tea Peter"

Peter: Not having the government worked great in Somalia, but somehow we've seemed to botch it all up!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Meg: Now my Spanish teacher and I can finally hold hands in the halls!
Spanish Teacher: Donde esta la biblioteca? Because I'm gonna bang you in the biblioteca.
 • Rating: Unrated

Chris: Without government, I'm free to take a lot of mescaline and drive to Vegas!
 • Rating: Unrated

Carter: The government wants to tell you how many children you can have!
Herbert: What? No!
 • Rating: Unrated

Peter: Tea Party, huh? Well, I'd like to be part of a movement. But what movement would want a fat guy who has opinions and hates listening?
 • Rating: Unrated

Joe: Well, you can't fight City Hall.
Peter: Well, we'll see about that. ... City Hall knows karate.
 • Rating: Unrated

Lois: Wow, congratulations on your grand re-opening, Mort! Looks like your customers are coming back!
Mort: Thanks, Lois! It's good to be up and gouging again!
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 10 Episode 20: "Leggo My Meg-O"

Stewie: You know what's messed up? This is all for charity. All the proceeds are going to Oxfam.
 • Rating: Unrated

Brian: What do you want to do for 20 minutes?
Stewie: I don't know about you, but I'm gonna work out. That's how you stay in shape. Just fit it in when you have free time Wherever you are, wherever you can...there's semen on this floor.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Stewie: Oh no, he's one of those parkour free-running guys, we'll never catch him!
 • Rating: Unrated

Brian: You're the only one who's got the knowhow and the technology to help us track her down.
Stewie: Interesting. Last week, all my gadgets were, hooey I think was the word.
Brian: I didn't say...
Stewie: I SAID HOOEY!
 • Rating: Unrated

Peter: I don't know who you are, I don't know what you want. But what I do have is a particular lack of skills. I will never be able to find you.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Peter: Alright Meg, I need you to listen to me very carefully. Panic. Pay no attention to detail. Let your mind race. Take short, rapid breaths. Then hide under the bed, but leave two of your feet sticking out.
 • Rating: Unrated

Ruth: Hey, you wanna dance around like morons to loud music?
Meg: I'll be right back! I've been holding in a dump since America.
 • Rating: Unrated

French Kidnapper: Please do not be suspicious that I am at the airport with no baggage whatsoever.
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 10 Episode 19: "Mr. and Mrs. Stewie"

Stewie: So, I've always been about world domination. What the hell do you think I was talking about when I said "Victory shall be mine!"
Brian: You have not said that in a very long time.
Stewie: Well, I'm back on it.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Peter: I mean, who says the body next to you has to be male or female? Or whatever!
Quagmire: Or alive!
Peter: Yeah! Well, no. But yeah!
 • Rating: Unrated

Penelope: I bought that to kill the women of Sex and the City, but time seems to be doing that for me!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Stewie: You have a pop-up version of the Unabomber's Manifesto?
 • Rating: Unrated

Peter: Believe it or not, men like to cuddle. Even cold, unfeeling men like Charles Bronson.
 • Rating: Unrated

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