Family Guy

Sundays 9:00 PM on FOX
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Read through our section of Family Guy quotes today. We update it on a weekly basis to include the most uproarious quips and one-liners from the funniest show on TV.

I was wrong to chose sexiness over my wife.


Mr. Giraffe who lets little boys grind on his rump. Or Mr. Octopus who, who let's little boys grind on his rump.


Lois: I don't even know what this is anymore!
Peter: It's a strip club that gives away free cookies.

She just wrote "vagina" on her boobs! That doesn't even make any sense!


Brian: Stewie what are you doing?
Stewie: Being awesome.

That was the right thing to do Peter.


Like Moses and his buddy who liked to collect seashells.


Peter's Wife's Cookies.


If you say it like that one more time, I'm going to drown you.


Could you get me some yaww-gurt?


Vegetable, meat, meat, vegetable, meat.


How far away are the stars?

Displaying quotes 1 - 12 of 1919 in total
Simply put, it doesn't get any funnier than Family Guy quotes. And, also simply out, it doesn't get any more all-encompassing than our section of Family Guy quotes. We update it on a weekly basis and we organize it by season and by episode. So sit back now and try not to laugh riotously over these Family Guy quotes.

Family Guy Quotes

Stewie: (Comes into the bedroom) Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Mama! Mama! Mama! Ma! Ma! Ma! Ma! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mummy! Mummy! Mumma! Mumma! Mumma!
Lois: What!?
Stewie: Hi! (Giggling and running out of the room)

"That's cray cray in a good way, right there."

Cleveland Brown
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