Family Guy Quotes
Read through our section of Family Guy quotes today. We update it on a weekly basis to include the most uproarious quips and one-liners from the funniest show on TV.
I don't speak for Jesus, I just get him trim.Peter
- Permalink: I don't speak for Jesus, I just get him trim.
Stewie: Boy this must be killing you. You're an atheist, and the one guy you don't believe in is getting to bang the woman of your dreams.
Brain: I don't have to take this! I'm out of here. Can you let me out?
- Permalink: I don't have to take this! I'm out of here. Can you let me out?
Peter: Like, anything in the universe?
Peter: Brookstone massage chair.
Jesus: Are you sure?
Peter: Never been more sure about anything in my life.
- Permalink: Never been more sure about anything in my life.
Peter: Jesus, we're going to help you lose your virginity!
Quagmire: Oh god! I love sex!
- Permalink: Oh god! I love sex!
Joe: Sex is overrated.
Peter: Stay out of this Joe.
- Permalink: Stay out of this Joe.
Jesus: Uh hot ladies. Horny ones. Who, uh, sex on you.
Jesus: Yeah, you know, they come back to your house and sit on your butt.
- Permalink: Uh hot ladies. Horny ones. Who, uh, sex on you.
Peter: Oh look Jesus, you shouldn't be alone during Christmas. And if I remember correctly, isn't your birthday sometime soon too?
Jesus: Ah whatever, I'm fine. I'll probably just reheat some ramen and watch Grey's Anatomy.
You want me to pick up something on the way or, no you're good?Peter
- Permalink: You want me to pick up something on the way or, no you're good?
Oh it's not that much Lois, just infinity times what you bring home every week.Peter
It's a living!Meg
- Permalink: It's a living!
Oh I will find one. I mean, you are looking at the guy who found the fountain of youth. It is very far away from here,Peter
Hey, its Thanksgiving. Shouldn't you be in Detroit losing a football game right about now.Brian