Sundays 9:00 PM on FOX
Family-guy

"Quagmire who? That's an excellent question."

Homer

"My dad gave me a gun to hide."

Meg

"No one ever told me I mattered before."

Meg

"You bring home two bands of hippie murderers…"

Homer

"I cut your name into my arm so I can always remember you."

Meg

"I used to love Duff when I was younger, but I haven't even had it in like 13 years."

Peter

Brian: Peter, what are you doing?
Peter: Playing Unga Bunga. It's the championship.
Stewie: Go away! This is why Zillow estimates our house at $4.

I'm glad we're staying together. Honestly, I don't know what I would do on my own. Like, I literally have no idea where food comes from. Is it that guy? Is he the food man?

Peter

Sir, I heard whimpering. Shall I fetch your crying tuxedo?

Butler

Oh, it's starting! I'm gonna live-tweet the show and ruin it for everyone in other time zones.

Stewie

TV Announcer: We now return to Jeremy Piven in The Incredible Hulk.
Jeremy Piven: You wouldn't like me when I'm angry.
Man: I don't like you now.

That's the Riddler. He would make inquiries to set your mind a-jumble.

Cleveland
Displaying quotes 1 - 12 of 1893 in total

Family Guy Quotes

Stewie: (Comes into the bedroom) Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Mama! Mama! Mama! Ma! Ma! Ma! Ma! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mummy! Mummy! Mumma! Mumma! Mumma!
Lois: What!?
Stewie: Hi! (Giggling and running out of the room)

Hi, I'm Wilford Brimley and I have diabetes. It hurts me to pee and it causes me to be short with my family. I can't sleep at night. The other day I stubbed my toe and took it out on the dog. And two weeks ago I ran out of vanilla ice cream and struck my wife. Then I find out my wife has been dead for six years. Who the hell did I hit?

Wilford Brimley
×