You don't have to win to have fun.


See, we're all terrible people inside.


Peter, face it. Without Quagmire, we're boring.


You want me to be the one who says "Giggity" now?


Peter's a good friend. Not like Cleveland.


Or you can pull the hose out of the bucket and let the hose run free.


There are gaps in my knowledge. This is hardly news.


The secret to happiness is burying all your true feelings and living a life of bland compromise.


I love putting my hands down my pants when I'm on drugs.


And once again a Heavy Flow has ruined another lady's evening.

Wrestling Announcer

The only way to settle a family dispute is in the cage.


Meg: Trust me, I know more about getting bullied than anyone.
Peter: You do? How?

Family Guy Quotes

Stewie: (Comes into the bedroom) Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Mama! Mama! Mama! Ma! Ma! Ma! Ma! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mummy! Mummy! Mumma! Mumma! Mumma!
Lois: What!?
Stewie: Hi! (Giggling and running out of the room)

Hi, I'm Wilford Brimley and I have diabetes. It hurts me to pee and it causes me to be short with my family. I can't sleep at night. The other day I stubbed my toe and took it out on the dog. And two weeks ago I ran out of vanilla ice cream and struck my wife. Then I find out my wife has been dead for six years. Who the hell did I hit?

Wilford Brimley