Family Guy

Last night on Family Guy, Quagmire discovered that all his sexual exploits finally had repercussions when he learns he has a baby girl that gets dropped off on his doorstep during "Quagmire's Baby."  We're actually quite shocked Family Guy never went with this plotline before.

Quagmire actually steps it up and names the girl Ana Lee and attempts to raise her on his own, until she gets in the way of him getting laid.  That's when he puts the girl up for adoption.

Meanwhile Stewie created clones for Brian and himself.  All in all it was a mediocre episode that had some decent Family Guy quotes.  Here's some of our favorites:

Stewie: Hey will you take me down to Baby Gap? I want to dress like a small douche. | permalink

Stewie: It's healthier than what they ate in the fifties...
Customer: Steak and donut sandwich please.
Waiter: You want cigarettes on that sandwich.
Customer: What do I look like a Mary? Of course I want cigarattes. | permalink

Quagmire [reading note]: Glen, this is your child, next time wear a condom jerk. Oh my god!
Peter: Wait, hang on, there's no guarantee it's your baby.
Baby: Gigitty.
Quagmire: Ooh, I say that. | permalink

Quagmire: How long you been in beauty school?
Candy: Two months.
Quagmire: Well tonight, we're doing facials! | permalink

Brian [about puddle of clone]: I'm not proud of this, but i'm gonna have to lick that up. | permalink

Joe: We shouldn't let this ruin our night, let's just enjoy the strippers.
Peter: I guess, I just hate how much that one gets into her work.
Stripper: You boys have been very naughty. I'm gonna have to assign you extra homework.
Peter: Fractions are so hard, what'd you get for number four?
Joe: She says don't share answers! | permalink

Have you stopped laughing yet from last week's Family Guy?

The episode poked fun at Miley Cyrus, featuring the singer as a Disney-programmed robot that went crazy and blew up the town. These things sometimes happen in Quahog.

Cyrus, of course, didn't voice the character herself. That honor fell to Candace Marie, a rising singer that has landed a recurring role on the hilarious sitcom.

What part will she play? And how does she feel about voicing Miley? We asked Marie these questions in an exclusive interview with the gorgeous star...

TV Fanatic: How did the role on Family Guy come about?
Marie: The producer I was working with for my album (Becoming a Real Girl), John Paterno, told me about the audition opportunity. I went in for it and got a call from the casting director, Linda LeMontane, a month later.

TV Fanatic: Any fear of upsetting Miley Cyrus fans? 
Marie: No, not at all actually. I'm a Miley Cyrus fan myself and I was very impressed by the way Family Guy developed the episode. I think it's a huge compliment for them to refer to Miley as the "perfect popstar." The rest, well, it's Family Guy.

TV Fanatic: Were you a fan of Family Guy prior to landing this role?
Marie: Isn't everyone? I just have such a respect for Seth and the show. He worked really hard for this show and has persevered through so much. The sky is the limit for that team - even if you don’t agree with the content - I think everyone in the industry can be inspired by the creativity and dedication.

TV Fanatic: Did you get to meet any of the cast members? 
Marie: Yes! Seth MacFarlane, Mike Henry, Seth Green, Craig Robinson, Alex Borstein, Mae Whitman, and more. The Family Guy office is such a fun and warm place. For this role, I recorded with Seth MacFarlane.  He is so talented and inspirational. He literally switches between Brian and Stewie with out a seam. It's amazing! I was lucky enough to be brought back as Miley for The Cleveland Show and work with Mike Henry.  

TV Fanatic: Tell us about Beth, your new character on Family Guy. 
Marie: Yes, I was fortunate enough to be asked back to Family Guy for several upcoming episodes, including Beth. She is one of Meg's friends that is never really addressed in conversation but loves to chime in whenever she can. It's fantastic and so much fun to tap into that character.

Continue Reading...

On the second of two new episodes of Family Guy during last night's live action special, Miley Cyrus came to Quahog and Stewie was willing to do whatever it took to see her.

While the episode, "Hannah Banana," didn't actually feature Miley Cyrus doing the voice (it was Candace Marie), they definitely has some fun at the teen star's expense. 

Family Guy made Cyrus out to be an android created by the Disney corporation that eventually went on a rampage against the city.  Not so different from the real Miley.

Meanwhile, Chris tried to prove to the family once and for all that the evil monkey in his closet was real.  Turns out the monkey was real... but not so evil.  He actually helped contribute many of the great Family Guy quotes from the half hour.  Just check out some of our favorites:

Brian: This is my friend Stewie. He's just a baby and he's your biggest fan. And he has cancer
Miley Cyrus: Oh my god, really?
Brian: Yeah he has a tumor in his head the size of a football.
Miley Cyrus: Yeah I think I can see it. | permalink

Chris: That's the nicest thing anyone's ever done for me. Thanks evil mon.... thanks monkey.
Monkey: I'd get up to hug you but sitting down is the only thing keeping the poop in. | permalink

Peter: Lois, could you tell Chris that I'm sorry that I ever planted the seed version of him in your vagina? | permalink

Brian [about robot Miley Cyrus]: You think she does other things like a real girl, if you reprogram her?
Stewie: Brian's that sick. She's 16
Brian: I'm 8
Stewie: You're right, I'll see what I can do | permalink

Monkey: Ms Cyrus, I ask you to stop what you're doing. I don't just mean this. I mean the show, the music, the movie, it's all just awful | permalink

During the first of two new episodes during Family Guy's live action special last night, Brian was dating an older woman, Rita.

The episode, "Brian's Got a Brand New Bag," began with Peter's obsession with the movie Round House (the episode was also dedicated to Patrick Swayze) and somehow led to Brian dating a fifty year old woman.

Along the way Brian proposed, cheated, and got dumped all within one hilarious half hour.  Relive some of the better moments with our Family Guy quotes from the episode:

 

Peter: Oh my god, Road House. I want to buy this
Clerk: Great and as a bonus I'll throw in What Dreams May Come with Robin Williams
Peter: No thank you
Clerk: No charge
Peter: I do not want it
Clerk: But it's free, sir
Peter: If that DVD even touches Road House, I will kill you | permalink

Rita: Is that your condom?
Brian: No, I mean I wasn't gonna use that on your daughter. I would not use a condom on your daughter. I mean I would if i was having sex with her, which I obviously would not do. I'm safe and all. I get AIDS test every three months. It's not because I have a lot of sex. I eat a lot of poo off the streets
| permalink

Brian: You are really pretty
Girl at Bar: Thanks
Brian: You know, uh, I wrote a book
Girl at Bar: What's that?
Brian: It's like a long magazine
Girl at Bar: Huh?
Brian: It's like the Internet made out of a tree
Girl at Bar: Oh, weird. You want to have sex in the bathroom?
Brian: Oh gosh, what a treat, yes I would like that | permalink

Brian [about Rita]: Well you met her, what did you think?
Lois: What do I think? She's a 100! Peter, did you see her?
Peter: I'm looking at her now. I can see her from the window up here. Did anyone make a Jessica Tandy joke yet?
Lois: No!
Peter: Awesome! I'll be right down
Chris [to Brian]: Who are you dating, Jessica Tandy?
Peter: Sonuvabitch! Damnit Chris, I called that from upstairs | permalink

Lois: My God I can't even react big enough. Here's Mrs. Garret
Mrs. Garret: Whaaat!?
Brian: If my happiness means so little to you that you have Charlotte Rae just standing by to crack a joke then you disappoint me | permalink

 

From the two part season three premiere of Family Guy where Brian ran away to Hollywood to the banned episoded, "When You Wish Upon a Weinstein," the third season had some great episodes.

Now you can catch up with all of your favorite season three quotes in the largest collection assembled on the web.  Here's just some of our favorite Family Guy quotes from this epic season:

 

Lois: Excuse me, we were about to use that.
Lady: You snooze, you lose, lady.
Lois: You have 2 choices. Either my baby swings from this jungle gym, or you do.
Stewie: Woohoo, Lois! Someone's wearing their ovaries on the outside | permalink

Quagmire: Hey baby, how about showing me your Lower East Side?
Transvestite: Sure.
Quagmire: Whoa, transvestite! Wait a moment, pre-op or post-op?
Transvestite: Pre-op.
Quagmire: Whoa, transvestite! Back off! | permalink

Lois: What's going on down here?
Stewie: Uhh... we're playing House.
Lois: That boy's all tied up.
Stewie: Roman Polanski's House | permalink

Neil: Here's your coffee Mr Tucker.
Tom Tucker: What the hell is in this!
Neil: Sweet N' Low. That's for trying to steal my woman!
Tom Tucker: Go back and bring it to me with urine in it like I asked | permalink

Auctioneer: We'll open this auction with this pair of panties confiscated from a prostitute.
Quagemire: Fifty bucks!
Auctioneer: She had nine STDs.
Quagmire: Forty-five bucks.
Auctioneer: And when we caught her she wet herself.
Quagmire: Fifty bucks! | permalink

Peter: Well, we promised Lois we'd use our powers responsibly, but I suppose doing the exact opposite couldn't hurt | permalink

Peter: Hey, is the Count a Vampire?
Brian: What's that?
Peter: Well he's got these big fangs. Have they ever shown him doin' somebody in and then feedin' on em?
Brian: You're, you're asking me if they've ever done a Seseme Street in which the Count kills somebody and then sucks their blood for sustenance
Peter: Yeah
Brian: No, they've never done that | permalink

 

On last night's Family Guy, Dan Aykroyd and Chevy Chase guest starred as themselves, and moved into Cleveland's old house on Spooner Street.  Peter was ecstatic to greet his famous new neighbors, while Brian and Stewie were much more suspicious.

Brian and Stewie eventually discovered that the actors were spies like in their 1980s classic, Spies Like Us.  The episode was cleverly entitled "Spies Reminiscent of Us."

The boys followed the actors to Russia on a mission to stop Adam West and it led to some of the following hilarious Family Guy quotes:

Peter [to Dan Aykroyd and Chevy Chase]: I'd sure love it if you guys come to dinner at my house tonight. My wife's cooking sucks, but I'd sure love to look at you. | permalink

Peter [about Dan Aykroyd and Chevy Chase]: Oh my god, I'm eating dinner with two of the three ghost busters
Chevy Chase: Actually, I wasn't in that
Peter: Look at these guys, can't take a compliment | permalink

Dan Aykroyd: The activation phrase was something no one would ever think to mutter
Stewie: What is it?
Dan Aykroyd: The phrase is "gosh that itlain family at the next table sure is quiet" | permalink

Dan Aykroyd: Now you two individuals live here...are there any local residents whom you've seen acting strangely?
Stewie: Well, there's a pedophile up the street that nobody seems to be doing anything about, but it's mainly because he's so funny | permalink

Dan Aykroyd: If these signatures are correct, Mayor West is located just a third of a kilometer that way just over this rise
Stewie: That's what you said a third of a kilometer ago
Dan Aykroyd: Perhaps you'd like to do something besides criticizing me and quoting my movies
Stewie: You just watch your mouth mister | permalink

Stewie: Wow, those are the russian people? I mean granted you do think of bears on unicycles when you think of the russian people, but they're all bears on unicycles?
Dan Aykroyd: Bears on unicycles, every single on of them
Chevy Chase: So what do we do now?
Dan Aykroyd: We're undercover US agents in a hostile foreign environment, we just gotta make sure we don't do anything that makes us stick out
Guard: Hey, they're not bears on unicycles! You're under arrest! | permalink

In typical Family Guy fashion, last night's episode began with Peter having an affair with a Kathy Ireland cutout and somehow led to Lois finding out she's Jewish.

During the appropriastely named episode, "Family Goy," Lois was initially reluctant to change things and begin to accept her new religion, while Peter was all about it until the novelty wore off and his father's ghost told him to stop.

In the end, Lois decided not to switch religions, but not before we got some classic Family Guy quotes out of the episode.  Here's some of our favorites:

 

Chris: Hey dad, where you going with that cutout?
Peter: Oh hey kids, this is Kathy, we're designing lifestyle products together. It's completely legitimate, but don't tell your mother! | permalink

Lois: Peter, stop that! We're not having sex, I just told you I have a lump!
Peter: I have a lump too and mine's easier to get rid of | permalink

Lois: Mom, you're Jewish?
Barbara: I'm sorry we never told you dear, when we were married, your father made me conceal the fact so we could get into country clubs
| permalink

Meg: Mom, is sodomy illegal if you're Jewish?
Lois: I hope so meg, I really do
Peter: It's not, Lois.... it's not | permalink

Peter: This family believes in the Easter bunny. He died for our sins in that helicopter crash | permalink

Jesus: I am a Jew
Peter: Prove it. What's a 9% tip on a $200 dinner?
Jesus: It's $18, which is very fair | permalink

 

Meg: Mom, I can't clean, I've got stuff to do.
Lois: Meg, we all know you don't have stuff to do | permalink

Honestly, guys, neither do you.  So sit down, make yourself comfortable and prepare to browse through perhaps the best season of Family Guy quotes.

During season two Brian declared his love for Lois, Peter worked for death, Chris became an artist, Meg got the family on a talk show, and Stewie and Brian took their first trip.  Oh and there's far too other memorable moments to even mention here.

What you can do is enjoy some of our favorite quotes from the season and then browse all of season two.

Peter: Y2K? What are you selling, chicken or sex jelly? | permalink

Meg: You could kill all the girls who are prettier than me.
Death: Well, that would just leave England | permalink

Lois: I guarantee you a man made that commercial.
Peter: Of course a man made it. It's a commercial Lois, not a delicious Thanksgiving dinner | permalink

Peter: I'll handle it Lois. I read a book about this sort of thing once.
Brian: Are you sure it was a book? Are you sure it wasn't nothing?
Peter: Oh yeah | permalink

Peter: You gonna eat that stapler?
Calahan: Umm... you can't eat a-
Peter: Wanna split it? | permalink

Peter: Woah! Is that really the blood of Christ?
Priest: Yes.
Peter: Man, that guy must have been wasted 24 hours a day, huh? | permalink

Peter: Sweet statuatory, you look beautiful | permalink

Peter: A job? Lois, the seventies are over, forget it | permalink

Chris: Dad, I tried to go to school but this guy won't let me.
Peter: Oh yeah? Him and what army?
Chris: The U.S. Army.
Peter: Oh, that's a good army | permalink

Lois: Oh, my God! You can only play the piano when you're drunk!
Peter: Now that's not true! I can also vomit, fall down and make dirty calls to your sister when I'm drunk! | permalink

Last night Family Guy made its impressive eight season debut with "Road to the Multiverse."  In the episode, Brian and Stewie bounced around to multiple parallel universes while desperately trying to get back.

Some of our favorite universes they went to include a Robot Chick universe, one where eveyrone has two heads, and the final universe where dogs had pet humans.  Just check out some of our favorite Family Guy quotes from the episode:

Stewie: We're in the robot chicken universe
Peter: Will you guys move, you're blocking the tv
Chris: Look! GI Joe, Transformers, Thunder Cats, He-Man. Yay! Those shows existed!
Stewie: how does it feel to be on a major network for 30 seconds
Chris: $!%@ you! | permalink

Stewie: Take your stinkin' paws off me you damn dirty dog | permalink

Stewie: Gosh Brian, I sure hope this next leap, will be the leap home | permalink

Carnie: Step right up, step right up! You won't believe your eyes. Step right up and see the amazing half man, half clam.
Peter: What a ripoff, it's just Kim Cattrall sitting Indian style | permalink

Quagmire: Thanks honey, say hi to your husband. [device on his belt beeps] Oh, I've got AIDS again, better take my NyQuil Cold, Flu and AIDS. [takes pill] All gone! | permalink

Carnie: I guess 185 pounds
Adam West: Wrong, I'm 95 percent helium | permalink

It's hard to believe it's been over ten years since Family Guy debuted on Fox on a Super Bowl Sunday.  The season one premiere attracted 22 million viewers!

Since its debut, Fox did everything in their power to make sure the show was cancelled during its third season.  That, of course, had nothing to do with the quality of the show!

Seth McFarlane and company did some of their finest working during the debut season.  Just check out some of our favorite quotes from season one...

Peter: Guys, our money problems are over; we are officially on welfare! Come on kids, help me scatter car parts on the front lawn | permalink

Peter [at communion]: Whoa! Is that really the blood of Christ?
Priest: Yes.
Peter: Man, that guy must have been wasted 24 hours a day, huh? | permalink

Peter [while riding an elephant]: Hey, Lois, look. The two symbols of the Republican party: an elephant and a big fat white guy who's threatened by change | permalink

Lois: Now you shouldn't be frightened Stewie. What you saw was actually a very beautiful thing.
Stewie: Evidentally, madame, you and I differ greatly in our conception of beauty. Because what I just witnessed was ghastlier than a thousand ghouls | permalink

Peter: Brian, there's a message in my Alphabits! It says, "Oooooo!"
Brian: Peter, those are Cheerios | permalink

Peter: All Brian's ever wanted is the same respect he gives us. Well, that and snausages. He's freakin' mental for those snausages! | permalink

Don't worry, there's plenty more great Family Guy quotes for you to enjoy as we go thorough