Family Guy

Sundays 9:00 PM on FOX
Family guy
TV Fanatic Works Better with Prime Instant Video
40,000 other titles are available to watch now.

Brian: Having sex with Quagmire is inevitable, like a fat guy ordering dessert when everyone else wants to leave.
Waiter: Would anyone like dessert?
Man: I couldn't eat another thing.
Woman: I gotta get home for the sitter.
Fat Man: I'll have the souffle.
Waiter: That takes 45 minutes.
Fat Man: That's okay.

Brian: What the hell is all this?
Peter: Well I'm a bachelor so now I invited a bunch of people over and now I'm waiting for them to leave. That's what bachelors do.

Crocodile Dundee: That's not a knife, this is a knife.
Peter: This is also a knife.
Crocodile Dundee: Well then, I'll be on my way.
Peter: I want to see more of him and then suddenly none of him... forever.

Peter [on Family Feud answering something you'd like to receive as a gift]: Well my whole family agreed on money, so I'm going to go with the flute that Captain Picard played, first in his imagination and then in real life, in the episode "The Inner Light" from Star Trek: The Next Generation.

Richard Dawson: Name something you sit in.
Lois: A chair.
Stewie: My own feces.
Richard Dawson: Name a popular fruit.
Lois: Orange.
Stewie: Clay Aiken.
Richard Dawson: Something in your closet.
Lois: Shoes.
Stewie: A scary monster.
Richard Dawson: Your favorite holiday.
Lois: Christmas.
Stewie: 911.
Richard Dawson: Name something you do on the weekend.
Lois: Go to church.
Stewie: Black guys.

Man: And we're picking you because you have three sons.
Meg: But I'm...
Peter: Shut up, Meg.

Stewie [watching Lawrence of Arabia]: Who's that rather attractive woman on a camel?
Brian: That's Peter O'Toole.
Peter: You movie buffs might likes this, both of his names are slang for penis.

Displaying all 7 quotes

Family Guy Season 8 Episode 10 Quotes

Man: And we're picking you because you have three sons.
Meg: But I'm...
Peter: Shut up, Meg.

Stewie [watching Lawrence of Arabia]: Who's that rather attractive woman on a camel?
Brian: That's Peter O'Toole.
Peter: You movie buffs might likes this, both of his names are slang for penis.