Family Guy

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The proudest day of a man's life is when his dog goes off to college.

Peter

Peter: And Meg, you yourself said lip gloss unicorns Channing Tatum something something bullcrap.
Meg: You were listening the whole time?

Lois: Peter, where'd you even get the money to make that kind of purchase?
Peter: I sold the house. And I did it on Craigslist, so now I have a dangerous friend!

Lois: Peter, you went out and bought a farm without talking to me about it?
Peter: Well, Lois, in my defense, I have nothing to back up the first part of my sentence.

They stole all my pens! I...I don't have a lot of stuff.

Meg

Lois: Oh my God! We've been burglarized!
Stewie: Well, we'll just have to get that $17 insurance check and start over.

Well, you guys, we did it. We finally went to a restaurant without somebody yelling at us, and then the rest of the place applauding them.

Peter

What a surprise, the mugger's never heard of Truman Capote.

Quagmire

Lois: Look, I realize Quahog isn't the small town it used to be, but it's still very special to me. It's my home.
Stewie: Yeah, come on guys, she's got dyed roots in this community.

Lois: Well, I disagree with you guys. I think Quahog is still pretty great.
Peter: You know, it's hard for me to take the things you say seriously when I know what's been in that mouth of yours.

Lois: An increase in crime? That can't be right. I haven't noticed anything like that.
Stewie: You're in the house 14 hours a day, what would you notice?

Just to put it out there, Tom Tucker is packin'. I drive a 2006 Infiniti, and I don't intend to lose it. So come and get some, punks.

Tom Tucker
Displaying all 12 quotes

Family Guy Season 11 Episode 20 Quotes

Lois: An increase in crime? That can't be right. I haven't noticed anything like that.
Stewie: You're in the house 14 hours a day, what would you notice?

Just to put it out there, Tom Tucker is packin'. I drive a 2006 Infiniti, and I don't intend to lose it. So come and get some, punks.

Tom Tucker