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Family-guy

Lois: It's like our privates were shaking hands after a successful business deal in a swamp!
Peter: To me, it just proves that we're truly meant to be together.
Lois: I love you, Peter.
Peter: I love you too, Lois. [beat] By the way, you may have to become a full-on prostitute because our phone bill was $7,000.

Peter: Hey Joe, how often do you have sex with Bonnie?
Joe: Well, my HMO only pays for the equipment once a year, why?

Lois: Peter, can't you just use Sock Lois tonight?
Peter: No, Sock Lois doesn't feel authentic to me any more!

Alright, Lois, you know the drill. And whatever you do, do not mention computers or the internet. They cannot not know about it.

Lois' Supervisor

Cashier: This is a very nice set, you must be a phone whore.
Lois: You bet your sweet ass I am!

Lois: Now what are we going to do, we have no money!
Peter: Why it's okay, Lois, we have a wonderful family!
Lois: No we don't, there's Meg and Dummy and Big Head.

For Xerxes, every meal is a pageant.

Peter

Chris: No! What just happened? What was that thing?
Peter: I don't know, some kind of superbird. Or maybe just an average bird who bought a Bowflex.

Peter: Hey Lois, let's go outside and see if we can find some great tits! 'Cause there certainly ain't any in here!
Chris: Remember those two we saw last night? One was bigger than the other!

Peter: Well, I'll be on the lookout for great tits.
Lois: Peter!
Brian: Well actually Lois, that's a species of bird that's been known to frequent domestic birdhouses.

Displaying all 10 quotes

Family Guy Season 11 Episode 14 Quotes

Peter: Hey Lois, let's go outside and see if we can find some great tits! 'Cause there certainly ain't any in here!
Chris: Remember those two we saw last night? One was bigger than the other!

Peter: Well, I'll be on the lookout for great tits.
Lois: Peter!
Brian: Well actually Lois, that's a species of bird that's been known to frequent domestic birdhouses.

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