Family Guy

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Oh God, I love this song and I love it when amateurs sing the lyrics, but I hate baseball cards

Mayor Adam West

Meg: Hey, um, do you want to, I don't know, go out sometime?
Craig: Heh, that's about as unlikely as me playing by someone else's rules besides my own, which I would never do. I play by my own rules, nobody else's, not even my own.
Meg: How about a movie?
Craig: I don't go out with dudes

Meg: Mom, Dad, am I ugly?
Lois: Oh, of course not sweetie.
Peter: Yeah, where did you get a stupid idea like that?
Meg: Craig Hoffman.
Peter: Craig Hoff...Craig Hoffman said that? Well he's a sharp kid, you might be ugly

Hey Fallon! Say goodnight you bum! [Punching Jimmy Fallon repeatedly] And this is for laughing during every comedy sketch you've ever been in! Who do you think you are, Carol Burnett? You think that she did it so it's alright for you? You haven't earned what she's earned! Alright, now where is the guy who slept with my daughter?!


Lois: I'm worried about Meg. She's spiraling out of control, I mean what if she develops a coke habit?
Peter: No Coke, Pepsi! Aww, come on! You set me up for that one!

Look Lois, I love meal ticket just as much as I love Chris and Stevie but business is business

Peter [about Meg]

Wow, Saturday Night Live! I can't think of anything more exciting... Oh my God! A water fountain! Ha ha ha ha ha!


You mean I'm going to get to meet John Belushi and Gilda Radner and Phil Hartman and Chris Farley and Horatio Sanz?

Peter [on being on SNL]

Lois: I'm not comfortable with my daughter being exploited like that.
Meg: Shut up Mom! I want to be exploited

Cleveland: Cool, Glenn! You look like Tommy Lee!
Quagmire: Well that oughta be appropriate, since I just found out I have hepatitis

Lois [reveals the new Meg]: Peter, take a look at your daughter!
Peter: Oh my god, Lois, it was twenty years ago, I'd never even heard the word "rubber"

Oh there there, let me dry those tears. [licks his fingers with Meg's tears on them] Oh, oh yes yes, your anguish sustains me

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