Family Guy

Sundays 9:00 PM on FOX
Family guy
TV Fanatic Works Better with Prime Instant Video
40,000 other titles are available to watch now.

Okay, whip them out woman! It's time for the afternoon meal!

Stewie

Quagmire: Cleveland, how did you end your marriage?
Cleveland: You slept with my wife.

Joan: Is this a joke?
Peter: I wish it were Joan, I wish it were a joke. But these things happen, you know? You go for a walk in the park one day and wheel-chair ninja's and nazi's and pot's and pans robots show up to kill ya, and dinosaurs show up ta eat the remains. You've seen the news.

Peter: (sees himself in a circle) Uh, hey, how much for that fat guy in the circle? I don't see a price tag on that.
Pat Sajak: That's you.
Peter: Oh! Oh! Embarrassing. Uh, okay. Well, in that case, I'll take the rest on a gift certificate.

Pat: The Category is 'Actor & Show' Ok, so we need five consonants and a vowel.
Peter: Uh, ok, uh..Z, 4, Q, another Q, uh... a third Q, and the Batman symbol.
Pat: O-kay. No help there. Um, 15 seconds if you wanna take a shot at it. Talk it out.
Peter: Is it "Alex Karras in Webster"?
(the whole puzzle is revealed, to Pat's surprise)
Pat: I... don't... believe it!
Peter: Oh, my God! I just took a shot in the dark! Holy crap!

You call those cheap implants boobs?! Those aren't boobs! They're lies!

Stewie

I'm going to a Celine Dion Concert. I'm not gonna kill her, I'm just gonna watch her die on her own.

Death

Hey, Quagmire, is that a banana in your pocket, or an erection in your pocket?

Cleveland

Lois: My breasts are so engorged from the weaning, I've gone up two bra sizes.
Brian: What did you do with the old bras?

Joan: If you ever left me, I'd cut myself, then I'd cut you. I love you, Glen!
Quagmire: I love you too, insane woman whom I'm having second thoughts about.
Joan: What?!
Quagmire: All right!

Peter: Death? What are you doing here? Nobody's dying today.
Death: Not according to my paperwork. It says here your buddy Quagmire died of a heart attack. I gotta tell ya...I always thought it'd be rectal trauma.

Glen, your place looks wonderful! I feel like I can touch things in here now!

Lois
Displaying all 12 quotes

Family Guy Season 4 Episode 21 Quotes

Peter: Death? What are you doing here? Nobody's dying today.
Death: Not according to my paperwork. It says here your buddy Quagmire died of a heart attack. I gotta tell ya...I always thought it'd be rectal trauma.

Glen, your place looks wonderful! I feel like I can touch things in here now!

Lois