Family Guy

Sundays 9:00 PM on FOX
Family guy

Okay, whip them out woman! It's time for the afternoon meal!

Stewie

Quagmire: Cleveland, how did you end your marriage?
Cleveland: You slept with my wife.

Joan: Is this a joke?
Peter: I wish it were Joan, I wish it were a joke. But these things happen, you know? You go for a walk in the park one day and wheel-chair ninja's and nazi's and pot's and pans robots show up to kill ya, and dinosaurs show up ta eat the remains. You've seen the news.

Peter: (sees himself in a circle) Uh, hey, how much for that fat guy in the circle? I don't see a price tag on that.
Pat Sajak: That's you.
Peter: Oh! Oh! Embarrassing. Uh, okay. Well, in that case, I'll take the rest on a gift certificate.

Pat: The Category is 'Actor & Show' Ok, so we need five consonants and a vowel.
Peter: Uh, ok, uh..Z, 4, Q, another Q, uh... a third Q, and the Batman symbol.
Pat: O-kay. No help there. Um, 15 seconds if you wanna take a shot at it. Talk it out.
Peter: Is it "Alex Karras in Webster"?
(the whole puzzle is revealed, to Pat's surprise)
Pat: I... don't... believe it!
Peter: Oh, my God! I just took a shot in the dark! Holy crap!

You call those cheap implants boobs?! Those aren't boobs! They're lies!

Stewie

I'm going to a Celine Dion Concert. I'm not gonna kill her, I'm just gonna watch her die on her own.

Death

Hey, Quagmire, is that a banana in your pocket, or an erection in your pocket?

Cleveland

Lois: My breasts are so engorged from the weaning, I've gone up two bra sizes.
Brian: What did you do with the old bras?

Joan: If you ever left me, I'd cut myself, then I'd cut you. I love you, Glen!
Quagmire: I love you too, insane woman whom I'm having second thoughts about.
Joan: What?!
Quagmire: All right!

Peter: Death? What are you doing here? Nobody's dying today.
Death: Not according to my paperwork. It says here your buddy Quagmire died of a heart attack. I gotta tell ya...I always thought it'd be rectal trauma.

Glen, your place looks wonderful! I feel like I can touch things in here now!

Lois
Displaying all 12 quotes

Family Guy Season 4 Episode 21 Quotes

Peter: Death? What are you doing here? Nobody's dying today.
Death: Not according to my paperwork. It says here your buddy Quagmire died of a heart attack. I gotta tell ya...I always thought it'd be rectal trauma.

Glen, your place looks wonderful! I feel like I can touch things in here now!

Lois
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