Family Guy

Sundays 9:00 PM on FOX
Family guy
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Lois: Peter, there's a hooker on the bed!
Peter: Stay perfectly still, Lois, their sight is based on movement.
Hooker: Where'd ya go?

Meg: I wanna watch George Lopez!
Chris: That show only perpetuates the stereotype that George Lopez is funny

Lois: Honey, what do you say we christen these new sheets, huh?
Peter: Why Lois Griffin, You naughty girl.
Lois: Hahaha, That's me.
Peter: You dirty hustler...you filthy stinky prostitute.
Lois: Okay I get it.
Peter: You foul venereal disease carrying street walking whore.
Lois: That's enough

Peter: Everybody, I got bad news - we've been cancelled.
Lois: Oh, no. Peter, how can they do that?
Peter: Well, unfortunately, Lois, there's just no more room on the schedule. We just gotta accept the fact that Fox has to make room for terrific shows like: Dark Angel, Titus, Undeclared, Action, That 80's Show, Wonderfalls, Fastlane, Andy Richter Controls The Universe, Skin, Girls Club, Cracking Up, The Pits, Firefly, Get Real, Freaky Links, Wanda At Large, Costello, The Lone Gunmen, A Minute With Stan Hooper, Normal, Ohio, Pasadena, Harsh Realm, Keen Eddie, The Street, American Embassy, Cedric The Entertainer, The Tick, Louie, and Greg The Bunny.
Lois: Is there no hope?
Peter: Well, I suppose if ALL those shows go down the tubes we might have a shot

Chris: I don't have to listen to you! You're a dog! You don't have a soul!
Brian: Ow

Tom Tucker: And now over to Ollie Williams for the blackie punishment forecast, Ollie?
Ollie: HE GON' GET IT!
Tom Tucker: Thanks Ollie!

Congressman: There is no just cause for an invasion of Iraq.
Peter: Well that may be, but what we're all forgetting is anyone that doesn't want to go to war is gay.
Congressman: I want to go to war.
Congressman 2: I want to go to war.
All of Congress: I want to go to war.
Dick Cheney: I was the first one who wanted to go to war

Stewie: If I choose to make stool in my pants right now, you're the only one here to change me. What do you think of that, hmm?
Brian: I'm not going to change you.
Stewie: What?
Brian: I said, I'm not going to change you.
Stewie: You can't be serious. Well, what if I make a fudgie? Well, I just won't. I just won't that's all. I just won't. Blast! I just did

Diane, I'm standing outside the Park Barrington Hotel because they don't allow Asians inside

Tricia Takanawa

Meg: Brian! Chris picked his nose, and now he keeps touching me with finger!
Chris: What good is mining nose gold if I can't share it with the townspeople?

Tom Tucker: Coming up next: Handsome mustachioed man recaps news in pleasing baritone

Tom: Can my wife, Stacy, get you anything?
Stacy: Go to hell Tom.
Tom: Already there hon

Displaying all 12 quotes

Family Guy Season 4 Episode 1 Quotes

Tom Tucker: Coming up next: Handsome mustachioed man recaps news in pleasing baritone

Tom: Can my wife, Stacy, get you anything?
Stacy: Go to hell Tom.
Tom: Already there hon