Family Guy

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Welcome to Peterotica on tape. I'm Betty White reading "The Hot Chick Who Was Italian or Maybe Some Kind of Spanish" by Peter Griffin. Chapter one, Oh god, you should have seen this one hot chick. She was totally Italian...or maybe some kind of Spanish.

Betty White

Girl: Hi! Would you be offended if I told you that your prose suggests a male, working class version of Emily Berate?
Peter: No. Would you be offended if I said I'd like to use your ass as a bongo drum?
Girl: Yes
Peter: Well then we....are on two....different....wavelengths.

Peter: Hi Mr. Pewterschmidt!
Carter Pewterschmidt: Hello, Peter.
Peter: What's up?
Carter Pewterschmidt: Good...oh dammit...I mean...not much.
Peter: Whatcha got there?
Carter Pewterschmidt: Oh this? It's a gun.
Peter: Oh yeah?
Carter Pewterschmidt: Yeah, I'm going to kill you.

Guys, this is the best dirty book store in town; Family owned, great hours, and lots of parking in the rear!

Quagmire

That's the exit. Of course in this place, every exit's also an entrance.

Quagmire

Wow Peter that's a book isn't it? That's the first time I've seen you reading something that didn't later turn out to be a sandwich.

Brian

I'm no school administrator, but there's an extension program going on in my trousers.

Cleveland

I lost my home, my money, and perhaps just as serious, my wife left me!

Carter

Peter: You can stay with us if you want, you filthy hobo. You shouldn't be embarrassed of mooching off your kids at age seventy.
Carter: Go to hell, fathead! Wait, have I used that one? No I haven't. Go to hell, fathead!

(as Peter opens the door) Hi. I'm Betty White. I just got a subpoena regarding an erotic novel and I'm looking for the son of a bitch responsible.

Betty White

Peter: Hey Meg, uh, we're trying to make some money and, um, would you like to buy some pot from your granddaddy and me?
Meg: Uh. Wow. Sure.
Peter: Aw. Fantastic.
(Carter hits Meg with a lamp)
Peter: What the hell was that for?
Carter: Now we've got the pot and the money.

Displaying all 11 quotes

Family Guy Season 4 Episode 24 Quotes

(as Peter opens the door) Hi. I'm Betty White. I just got a subpoena regarding an erotic novel and I'm looking for the son of a bitch responsible.

Betty White

Peter: Hey Meg, uh, we're trying to make some money and, um, would you like to buy some pot from your granddaddy and me?
Meg: Uh. Wow. Sure.
Peter: Aw. Fantastic.
(Carter hits Meg with a lamp)
Peter: What the hell was that for?
Carter: Now we've got the pot and the money.