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Family-guy

Dylan: Mom? What are you doing here?
Peter: Tracy came because she wants you back. Don't you want your son back, Tracy? (Tracy vomits) What a joyous family reunion!

Dylan: I hate you all! I didn't ask to be born! If I had a gun, I'd shoot you all! (runs off)
Peter: Well Lois, now we know what to get him for Chrstmas. (sing-song voice) I love the holidays!

Brian; So, Dylan... shouldn't you be in school?
Dylan: I dunno.
Brian: It's Wednesday.
Dylan: Up yours!
Stewie: Nice kid.

(Dylan walks in and smashes a vase with flowers against the wall)
Peter: (Slightly annoyed) Something on your mind son?
Dylan: Shut up! You're just a fat old bastard!
Peter: Well not to get technical sir, but you are the bastard.(He laughs but only his head moves up and down)

Tracy: Brian, this is Dylan, he's (pause) your son.
Stewie: Oh, no way! Jerry, Jerry, Jerry!

Stewie: You need more than that, you need an act. Listen, I'll be your assistant, and we'll put on a whole big show.Brian: Really?Stewie: Yeah, we'll do all the great tricks. You can even split me in half.Brian: What?Stewie: Saw me in half.

Brian: Don't worry, I got it under control Lois. I'm monitoring Dylan from here on Stewie's baby monitor.
(conversation is heard over the monitor)
Stewie: Hey Dylan? Hey, come on in here for a sec.
Dylan: Stewie, why are you nude?
Stewie: Oh just a little something I do once a week around here called a "naked tea party." Got my teacup here, now all I need is a tea bag. That something that interests you my friend?
Dylan: You're weird.
Stewie: Yeah, and you're attractive. Now take your f***ing pants off!
Dylan: I'm outta here.
Stewie: Huh, did you see that Rupert? "How to Lose a Guy in 10 Seconds" starring Stewie Griffin huh? Gee whiz.

Yay! I haven't been in my closet for years! Boy... there is a lot of feces in here.

</i> Chris

Lois: I don't know, Brian. Raising a child is a very rewarding experience.
Peter: You know what else is rewarding, Lois? Shutting your Vag.
Lois: What?
Peter: What?

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