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Family-guy

Hey, I'm not just a poorly-cleaned butt. There's a whole man around man around that you have to please.

Peter

Lois: Are you and Glenn thinking about children?
Charmese: Unfortunately, I can't have children.
Lois: Oh. Menopause?
Charmese: No, I got knifed in the vagina one Christmas.
Brian: Oh, the holidays are always stressful.

Meg, you look pretty next to [Charmese].

Stewie

You know, after 40 years in my line of work, I've learned the difference between true love and doing the entire bowling team of a pizza restaurant on a box spring by a brook. This is true love. Hey, what's our last name again?

Charmese

Stewie: You should know that Mom has emotionally let you go. It won't be long before she takes another.
Peter: Owww, my head!
Stewie: She already has two cell phones.

Hey, was Beowulf a Teen Wolf sequel with Scott Baio?

Peter

Peter: Lois, do you have any idea what i'm looking at right now?
Lois: Peter, we're not doing this again.
Peter: I am at Harvard, the smartest school in the country. And they have...
Lois: Peter, breakfast for dinner is anarchy!
Peter: It's fun, Lois! It's whimsical!
Lois: It's ridiculous! Pancakes are not a nighttime food!
Peter: You're ridiculous!

Joe: Are we sure this is the way to the dining hall?
Quagmire: Oh, I'm sorry, are your feet getting tired? God, I'd love to be able to wheel around in a toy all day.

I love eating food that's sad.

Quagmire
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