Family Guy

Sundays 9:00 PM on FOX
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Peter [while videotaping a bag blowing a wind]: Look! It's dancing with me! It's like there's this incredibly benevolent force that wants me to know there's no reason to be afraid. Sometimes, there's so much beauty in the world, it makes my heart burst.
God: It's just some trash blowing in the wind! Do you have any idea how complicated your circulatory system is?

Peter: Hey, c'mon Stewie. Your mom and I have something for you.
Stewie: Oh let me guess, you picked out yet another colorful box with a crank that I'm expected to turn and turn and turn, until, whoop, big shock, a jack pops out. And you laugh and the kids laugh and the dog laughs and I die a little inside

Neil: Here's your coffee Mr Tucker.
Tom Tucker: What the hell is in this!
Neil: Sweet N' Low. That's for trying to steal my woman!
Tom Tucker: Go back and bring it to me with urine in it like I asked

School children washing cars to raise money for charity. Is there anything more arousing?

Tom Tucker

The moon. There's a reason no one goes there. It's cold. And it's ugly. And it's surface is plagued with deep craters and jagged peaks. Wait a minute, that's not the moon! It's Neil Goldman's face!

Meg

Lois: What's going on down here?
Stewie: Uhh... we're playing House.
Lois: That boy's all tied up.
Stewie: Roman Polanski's House

When I stick this army guy with the sharp bayonet up my nose, it tickles my brain. Ow. Now, I don't know math

Chris

Diane: And reports indicate she has also consumed a record amount of seamen.
Tom: Well, that sounds like one powerful Hurricane, Diane

Tom Tucker: In other news: There was trouble at the White House today when President Bush stuck his finger in an electrical socket. When asked why he did it, the president replied "Cheney told me that was where leprechauns hide their gold"

Displaying all 9 quotes

Family Guy Season 3 Episode 8 Quotes

Diane: And reports indicate she has also consumed a record amount of seamen.
Tom: Well, that sounds like one powerful Hurricane, Diane

Tom Tucker: In other news: There was trouble at the White House today when President Bush stuck his finger in an electrical socket. When asked why he did it, the president replied "Cheney told me that was where leprechauns hide their gold"