Family Guy
Sundays 9:00 PM on FOXFamily Guy Season 11 Quotes
Ross Fishman: No family is closer than ours. That's why we love taking trips together. Here we are in Machu Picchu.
Peter: Is that the topless place in South Attleboro? I spat on a chick there at a work retreat.
Ah, cold car ride through a dark suburban night. Look out the window and think of death, kids. It's a-comin'.
Peter
Hey, it's cooked food in another house. That's exciting for light older women like me.
Lois
Lois: Peter, will you stop being so jealous? I dated Ross 20 years ago.
Peter: That's right, that means he had you first, Lois. I'll always be Scottie Pippen to his Michael Jordan.
If he's such a bad guy, why's he on a magazine?
Peter
I tell you, this obituary came out great. "Carter Pewterschmidt died today of the disease cancer. In lieu of flowers, please send carnival rides to Peter Griffin at 31 Spooner Street." If we get just one ride out of this, it will have been a success.
Peter
Dr. Hartman: Glenn Quagmire? Why does that name sound familiar? Oh yeah, I treated you for butt flu.
Quagmire: Hey, you wanna keep it down?
Dr. Hartman: Hey now, that's my privilege as a doctor to talk about that sort of stuff.
Quagmire: Baldness is for women's crotches, not men's heads.
Peter: There ya go, that's pretty gross.
Peter: Listen, Quagmire. We hate you now.
Joe: Yeah, you used to be fun.
Peter: Yeah, now you're always either preparing for a colonoscopy or just coming back from a colonoscopy.
Quagmire: Hey slow down, drive like hell, you'll get there!
Peter: Quagmire, what the hell are you doing?
Quagmire: I'm letting all these hot rodders know this is a neighborhood, not a speedway track!
Come on, it's not so bad. You could always kill yourself.
Peter
The hilarious video already has over 2 million views on YouTube. Comments range from sympathy, all the way to racial slurs directed at those who chose to comment.
Tom Tucker
