Friends Season 2 Episode 4: "The One with Phoebe's Husband" Quotes
Ross: (About Chandler's third nipple) So what's it shaped like?
Phoebe: Yeah, is there a hair on it?
Joey: What happens if you flick it?
Rachel: Let me tell you something. As a woman there is nothing sexier than a man who does not want to have sex.
Ross: No kidding?
Rachel: Oh yeah. In fact you know what I'd do?
Ross: What?
Rachel: I'd wait.
Ross: You'd wait?
Rachel: Yes, absolutely. I would wait and wait... then I'd wait some more.
Ross: Really?
Rachel: Oh yeah, I don't care how much she tells you she wants it, I don't care if she begs, she pleads, she tells you she's gonna have sex with another man. That just means it's working.
Ross: Women really want this?
Rachel: More than jewelry.
Rachel: (Sarcastically) Oh, Julie's so smart, Julie's so special.
Monica: Look honey, I wanted you to hook up with Ross as much as you did. But he's with her now and you're just gonna have to get over it.
Rachel: Oh, I'm gonna have to get over it. God, see I didn't know that's I had to do, I just have to get over it.
Duncan: Hi.
Rachel: Hi, can I help you?
Duncan: Yeah, I'm looking for Phoebe. Does she still live here?
Rachel: Uh, no she doesn't but I can get a message to her.
Duncan: Great. Uh, just tell her her husband stopped by.
Rachel: What?!
(Due to her surprise, she accidentally releases the captured pigeon from the pot.)
Duncan: Hey, how, how did you do that?
(On the phone) Mom, would you relax? That was ten blocks from here and the woman was walking alone at night. I would never do that. Mom, come on, stop worrying. This is a safe street, this is a safe building, there's nothing-- (A pigeon flies in through the window) Oh, my God, I gotta go. (Hangs up the phone) Okay, that's fine, you just read the paper. I'm gonna get a pot, it's not for you. Okay, that's fine, read the Family Circus, enjoy the gentle comedy. (Traps the pigeon in a pot) Ah, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, ah.
Rachel
Ross: (To a stranger, while dancing happily) Good morning.
Woman: (To her friend) Well, somebody got some last night.
Ross: Twice
Phoebe: I don't understand, how can you be straight? I mean, you're so smart and funny and you throw such great Academy Award parties.
Duncan: I know, that's what I kept telling myself, but you just reach a point where you can't live a lie anymore.
Joey: (Watching his porno) Shh, okay, here I come, here I come. See I'm coming to fix the copier, I can't get to the copier, I'm thinking what do I do, what do I do?... so I just watch them have sex. And then I say, wait, here's my line: "You know that's bad for the paper tray."
Chandler: Nice work my friend.
Joey: Thank you. Wait wait wait wait, you see me again. Hang on, the guy's butt's blocking me. There I am, there I am, there I am, there I am, there I am...
Ross: Oh, what's the longest you've been in the relationship before having the sex?
Rachel: Why? Who's not having... Are you and Julie not having sex?
Ross: Technically, huh, no.
Rachel: Wow. Is it because she's so cold in bed? Or is it because she's like, kind of bossy, makes it feel like school?
Joey: (About Chandler's third nipple) I can't believe you. You told me it was a nubbin.
Ross: Joey, what did you think a nubbin was?
Joey: I don't know. You see something, you hear a word, I thought that's what it was. Let me see it again.
Sorry, you had a paleontologist on your face. But, it's gone now. You're alright.
Chandler
Chandler: What's this in my pocket? Why it's Joey's porno movie.
Ross: Pop it in.
Joey: I'm fine with it. I mean, if you're OK watching a video filled with two nippled people.
