Friends Season 2 Episode 8: "The One with the List" Quotes
Chandler: Okay, let's do Julie. What's wrong with her?
Ross: She's not Rachel.
Rastatter: Our FDA approval didn't come through. Something about laboratory rats.
Monica: Oh, gosh, I'm sorry.
Rastatter: Yeah, well, anyhow, here is your check. Thank you for all the trouble you went through. Um, listen, you didn't eat a lot of it while you were cooking, did you?
Monica: Well, uh, I ate some.
Rastatter: Oh, some, that's fine. Some is fine. Some is not a lot. So, it doesn't burn when you pee, does it?
Rastatter: Hi, thanks for coming in again.
Monica: Oh, not at all. I have no morals and I need the cash.
Rastatter: It's like I'm looking in a mirror. Anyway, they're called fishtachios. They taste exactly like pistachios, but they're made primarily of reconstituted fish bits. Here, try one. You're not allergic to anything, are you?
Monica: Cat hair.
Rastatter: Oh, sorry.
Monica: (Answering the phone) Hello?
Ross: Hi.
Rachel: (To Monica) Is that him again? Tell him I'd come to the phone, but my ankles are weighing me down.
Ross: (Climbing up the fire escape) Rach! Whoops! Rach, hey, open up, please!
Rachel: (Coldly) When somebody does not buzz you in, Ross, that means go away. That doesn't mean please climb up the fire escape.
Phoebe: I... I cannot believe Ross even made this list. What a dinkus.
Joey: Hey, cut him some slack. It was Chandler's idea.
Phoebe: What?
Monica: What?
Chandler: Oh good, I was hoping that would come up.
Monica: This was your idea?
Phoebe: What were you thinking?
Chandler: (Squirming) All right, let's get some perspective here, okay? These things, they happen for a reason.
Monica: Yeah. You!
Chandler: All right, Pheebs, back me up here, okay? You believe in that karma crap, don't you?
Phoebe: Yeah. By the way, good luck in your next life as a dung beetle.
It's always been you, Rach.
Ross
Monica: How about "Mockolate mousse?"
Phoebe: It's not, it's not very Thanksgiving-y.
Monica: Okay, how about "Pilgrim Mockolate mousse?"
Phoebe: What makes it pilgrim?
Monica: We'll put buckles on it.
Rastatter: This is a nice resume. Nice, nice, nice. Muy impressivo.
Monica: So, Mr. Rastatter, what exactly does this job entail? The ad wasn't too clear.
Rastatter: Mockolate.
Monica: I'm sorry?
Rastatter: Mockolate. It's a completely synthetic chocolate substitute.
Monica: Oh.
Rastatter: Go ahead. Try a piece. Yeah, we think that Mockolate is even better than chocolate.
Monica: All right.
(She tastes it, and obviously hates it)
Rastatter: Yeah?
Monica: (Trying not to show her disgust) I love how it crumbles. Now see, your chocolate doesn't do that.
Ross: I get home, and I see Julie's saline solution on my night table. And I'm thinking to myself, "Oh my God, what the hell am I doing?" I mean, here I am, I am with Julie, this incredible, great woman, who I care about and who cares about me, and I'm like, what, am I just gonna throw all that away?
Joey: You got all that from saline solution?
Monica: (Reading the paper) There are no jobs. There are no jobs for me.
Joey: Wait, here's one. Uh, would you be willing to cook naked?
Monica: There's an ad for a naked chef?
Joey: No, but if you're willing to cook naked, then you might be willing to dance naked. And then... (Rubs his hands together suggestively)
Chandler: Okay, all right, look. Let's get logical about this, okay? We'll make a list. Rachel and Julie, pros and cons. Oh. We'll put their names in bold, with different fonts, and I can use different colors for each column.
Ross: Can't we just use a pen?
Chandler: No, Amish boy.
