Anyway, don't despair, I'm a constant disappointment to my own father and I've learned to live with it. Here, your next tumble with Roz is on me. I'll try not to wear her out.

Tyrion

Tyrion: Come to see me off Greyjoy? Kind of you. Your master doesn't seem to like Lannisters.
Theon: He's not my master.
Tyrion: No, of course not. What happened here, where is Lady Stark, why didn't she receive me:
Theon: She wasn't feeling well.
Tyrion: She's not in Winterfell, is she? Where did she go?
Theon: My lady's whereabouts...
Tyrion: My lady? Your loyalty to your loyalty to your captors is touching. Tell me, how do you think Balon Greyjoy would feel knowing his only surviving son had turned lackey.

Tyrion: I must say I received a slighter warmer welcome on my last visit.
Robb: Any man of the Night's Watch is welcome at Winterfell.
Tyrion: Any man of the Night's Watch but not I, eh boy?
Robb: I'm not your boy, Lannister. I'm Lord of Winterfell while my father is away.
Tyrion: Then you might learn a Lord's courtesy.

If you're going to be a cripple, it's better to be a rich cripple. Take care, Snow.

Tyrion

Not this time. We'll be staying at the finest castles and inns. No one turns away a Lannister.

Tyrion

Tyrion: Do you think I'm plump? Listen, Benjen, may I call you Benjen?
Benjen: Call me what you like.
Tyrion: I'm not sure what I've done to offend you. I have great admiration for the Night's Watch, and for you as First Ranger.
Benjen: You know my brother once told me? That nothing someone says before the word but really counts.
Tyrion: But, I don't believe that giants and ghouls and white walkers are lurking beyond the wall. I believe that the only difference between us and the wildlings is that when that wall went up, our ancestors happened to live on the right side of it.

Tyrion: And how do a bear's balls taste?
Yoren: A bit chewy. What about you, milord. What's the strangest thing you've eaten?
Tyrion: Do Dornish girls count?

King Robert: Your outlaw, any last words?
Jaime: I cut his head off, so, no.
King Robert: What about Aerys Targaryen? What did the Mad King say when you stabbed him in the back? I never asked. Did he call you a traitor? Did he plead for a reprieve.
Jaime: He said the same thing he'd been saying for hours. Burn them all. If that's all, your Grace.

The boy won't talk. And if he does, I'll kill him. Him, Ned Stark, the King, the whole bloody lot of them until you and I are the only people left in this world.

Jaime

Cersei: How could you be so stupid?
Jaime: Calm down.
Cersei: He's a child. Ten years old. What were you thinking?
Jaime: I was thinking of us. You're a bit late to start complaining about it now. What has the boy told them?
Cersei: Nothing. He's said nothing, he remembers nothing.
Jaime: Then what are you raving about?
Cersei: What if it comes back to him, he tells his father what happened.
Jaime: We'll say he was lying, we'll say he was dreaming, we'll say whatever we want to say. I think we can outfox a ten year old.

Tyrion: I'm looking at you. Yes, you. You've got an interesting face. Very distinctive faces, all of them.
Grenn: What do you care about our faces?
Tyrion: I think they would look marvelous decorating spikes in King's Landing. Perhaps I'll write my sister, the queen, about them.

Tell me, if I stabbed the Mad King is the belly instead of the back, would you admire me more?

Jaime

Game of Thrones Quotes

Tyrion: Let me give you some advice bastard. Never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you.
Jon: What the hell do you know about being a bastard?
Tyrion: All dwarfs are bastards in their father's eyes.

Oh, my sweet summer child! What do you know about fear? Fear is for the winter, when the snows fall a hundred feet deep; fear is for the Long Night, when the sun hides for years and children are born and live and die all in darkness. That is the time for fear, my little Lord.

Old Nan