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I just want someone who wants to hang out all the time, thinks I'm the best person in the world, and wants to have sex with only me.

I'm like the least virginy virgin ever.


I don't wanna touch it if we haven't kissed.


Who cares if she's present. She has a face like Brigitte Bardot and an ass like Rihanna!

Terry's friend [about Jessa]

You know what the weirdest part about having a job is? You have to be there everyday, even on the days you don't feel like it.


It's probably like his asshole wearing a friendship bracelet.

That's a semi hard dick with the squirrel skin wrapped around it.


Would you be dead before you learned to recognize a recently fucked person?

Jessa [to Marnie]

I can't take a serious naked picture of myself. That's just not who I am.

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