Did you know that dolphins are just gay sharks?

Brittany

Your hair looks like a briar patch. I keep expecting racist, animated Disney characters to pop up and start singing about living on the bayou.

Sue

I will no longer be carrying around photo ID. Know why? People should know who I am.

Sue

I'm so depressed I've worn the same outfit twice this week.

Kurt

Rachel: Break a leg.
Finn: I love you.

I'm pretty sure my cat is reading my diary.

Brittany

[God] makes me gay and then makes His followers go around saying it's a choice, as if I'd choose to be mocked every day of my life.

Kurt

I want Channing Tatum to stop being in stuff.

Mike

When I heard Sandy wanted to write himself into a scene as Queen Cleopatra, I was aroused. And then furious.

Sue

Rachel manages to dress like a grandmother and a toddler at the same time.

Kurt

My mom won't even let me watch Twilight. She says she thinks Kristen Stewart seems like a bitch.

Tina

[to the panel] Okay. I'm just gonna come out and say it. This is a singing competition. I don't know how those deaf kids got in. They weren't singing, they were like honking and everyone was crying and I was like, "Get off the stage. You're terrible and you're making me super uncomfortable."

Candace

Glee Quotes

Artie: I thought I was over someone, but I still think I have feelings for them.
Brittany: The Clintons?

I had it all planned out. I was gonna make it big on Broadway and maybe make a Woody Allen movie. And then when we were ready, I would just, come back and he'd be teaching here and I'd walk through those doors and I would just say 'I'm home' and then we would live happily ever after.

Rachel