Did you know that dolphins are just gay sharks?

Brittany

Your hair looks like a briar patch. I keep expecting racist, animated Disney characters to pop up and start singing about living on the bayou.

Sue

I will no longer be carrying around photo ID. Know why? People should know who I am.

Sue

I'm so depressed I've worn the same outfit twice this week.

Kurt

I'm pretty sure my cat is reading my diary.

Brittany

Rachel: Break a leg.
Finn: I love you.

[God] makes me gay and then makes His followers go around saying it's a choice, as if I'd choose to be mocked every day of my life.

Kurt

I want Channing Tatum to stop being in stuff.

Mike

When I heard Sandy wanted to write himself into a scene as Queen Cleopatra, I was aroused. And then furious.

Sue

Rachel manages to dress like a grandmother and a toddler at the same time.

Kurt

My mom won't even let me watch Twilight. She says she thinks Kristen Stewart seems like a bitch.

Tina

[to the panel] Okay. I'm just gonna come out and say it. This is a singing competition. I don't know how those deaf kids got in. They weren't singing, they were like honking and everyone was crying and I was like, "Get off the stage. You're terrible and you're making me super uncomfortable."

Candace

Glee Quotes

Rachel: This is what I wanted!
Sam: No, what you wanted was a second chance to get it right and Carmen just gave it to you. If you throw all that away you're going to be making the same mistake all over again

Finn: I seem to recall a rumor about a certain cheerleading coach at this school who once took horse estrogen and posed for Penthouse back in the day. So maybe I can just track that down and make a few copies and sell those to raise money for Regionals.
Sue: That's nothing but a rumor. But if that rumor were true, my Penthouse centerfold so groundbreaking that it completely redefined the term 'hirsute,' and gave birth unto these United States a pose so limber they named it the Regal American Not-So-Bald Spread Eagle, I promise you, my friend, you would never find it.