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I realize you're only half orangutan, but I'm still allergic to your lustrous, ginger mane.

Sue [to Emma]

Tina: Last week we were too sexy, this week we're too religious -- we can't win.
Brittany: Now I know how Miley feels like.

I don't believe in God, Dad. But I believe in you, and I believe in us.


You didn't hurt Sam. It was a 300-pound left tackle who just got expelled because he's on steroids and he's 23.


Mercedes: You get to wear a fabulous hat.
Kurt: You had me at fabulous hat.

I don't need to sit around and listen to all you mental patients tell me there is a God when I know there really isn't.


Asking someone to believe in a fantasy, no matter how comforting, is cruel.


I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy, and I guess I don't have to. Mary Lou Retton is an orphan or something.


I made him a card that said 'heart attacks are just from loving too much.'

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