House of Lies

Sundays 10:00 PM on Showtime
House of lies
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Hey Dad, want me to teach you how to Dougie?

Roscoe

Hey Greg, um, how's your beautiful wife? I heard she tastes like Pinkberry.

Marty

It's very cute the way you all are sort of learning at your own pace.

Marty

Shut up, I'm not drunk!

Jeannie

I would let a homeless schizophrenic rub my feet.

Jeannie

I bet your dad has to piss vodka just to get a blowie.

Jeannie

Marty: You, the one who started this whole thing from your dorm room while spanking the monkey before your eight o'clock.
Doug: God, he's takin' me back.
Jeannie: Mmm me too.

Don't poke the bear when he's hungry. He was a nightmare on Jenny Craig.

Roscoe

Clyde: Which Clooney was that because I've never seen that in my entire life?
Doug: The Facts Of Life Clooney, TV's everyman.
Clyde: TV Clooney is not the real Clooney unless you're talking about ER then barely maybe one season of Clooney.

I smoked better weed than this with my seventh grade teacher.

Jeannie

There's a lot of blue on this page.

Doug

That woman can do more in bed than any post-menopausal woman has any right to be able to do.

Jeremiah
Displaying quotes 1 - 12 of 58 in total