Sundays 10:00 PM on Showtime
House-of-lies

Hey Dad, want me to teach you how to Dougie?

Roscoe

Hey Greg, um, how's your beautiful wife? I heard she tastes like Pinkberry.

Marty

It's very cute the way you all are sort of learning at your own pace.

Marty

Shut up, I'm not drunk!

Jeannie

I would let a homeless schizophrenic rub my feet.

Jeannie

I bet your dad has to piss vodka just to get a blowie.

Jeannie

Marty: You, the one who started this whole thing from your dorm room while spanking the monkey before your eight o'clock.
Doug: God, he's takin' me back.
Jeannie: Mmm me too.

Don't poke the bear when he's hungry. He was a nightmare on Jenny Craig.

Roscoe

That woman can do more in bed than any post-menopausal woman has any right to be able to do.

Jeremiah
Displaying quotes 1 - 9 of 58 in total