House of Lies

House of Lies Quotes

Season 1 Episode 12: "The Mayan Apocalypse"

Roscoe: The Mayans believed the world would end in 2012.
Marty: Yeah, what do you think?
Roscoe: The Mayans were pretty smart.
Marty: Yeah well you better rest up for the apocalypse then.
 • Rating: 3.0 / 5.0

Monica: Don't kill your moment by making a lot of sounds.
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Marty: Who cares if Clyde just pledged Sigma Chi. We are on a plane, it's on fire, billowing smoke coming out of the engines. There's a gaping hole in the cabin. People are being sucked out to certain death.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Marty: Welcome to the new economy America where only the richest, meanest and smartest will remain.
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Clyde: Can I get an imminent demise?
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Season 1 Episode 11: "Business"

Marty: I know what I'm doing at work, but at home with him I don't have a f**king clue.
 • Rating: Unrated

Clyde: If I thought it would grease the wheels, I would run a train on Eyebrows and Ink Stain.
 • Rating: Unrated

Marty: The deterrent aspect of mutually assured destruction is predicated on the assumption that both parties are rational. Now you not being a good person by any stretch are at least a rational individual. I on the other hand, I'm a goddamn terrorist and I will crash my 767 right into your prodigious f**king forehead.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Marty: You know what? Maybe I should suck your d**k, I've already got your balls in my hand.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Doug: Making a great mix CD requires a level of guile and and and whim you could not possibly understand.
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Marty: A Stella McCartney scoop neck sweater and a nice pair of wide leg slacks. You know what would make it all really fierce? Crocs! I'm just gonna come right out and say it, the movie version of Rent, way better. Nicki Minaj strangles puppies.
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 1 Episode 10: "Prologue and Aftermath"

Phoebe: Well I coached the hell out of Jeannie and she was the sexiest little kid on that stage.
Clyde: Sexy seems like the wrong word.
 • Rating: Unrated

Jeannie: One word about my engagement and I will cut off O'Henry, Supa Dupa and Knight Rider and I will throw them in a Mexican dog fight.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Doug: Jeannie I wanted to get you a penis cake.
Jeannie: I'll take the penis cake as well, chocolate?
 • Rating: Unrated

Marty: Some men find pregnant women sexy. Me? My penis is sad!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Season 1 Episode 9: "Ouroboros"

Doug: I think I'm OD'ing...I'm over D'ing!
 • Rating: Unrated

Doug: I think I'm gonna float away.
Clyde: Let it go!
 • Rating: Unrated

Greg: Oh man do you realize, I've never had Korean Barbecue in my life? That was awesome!
 • Rating: Unrated

K. Warren: Love him or hate him, whether he survives or gets thrown to the wolves, Marty Kaan is at least his own man.
 • Rating: Unrated

Clyde: How can he talk with all that c**k in his mouth?
Doug: Can you nurse a hard-on?
Clyde: If anybody can do it, you can.
Doug: You're the hard-on that needs a nurse.
Clyde: Ew, what?
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

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