People don't get what they deserve. They just get what they get. There's nothing any of us can do about it.

Foreman: You think I'm repressed too?
Taub: I think you're in danger of being dissolved by your own stomach acids.

Wilson: What are you doing?
House: Canoeing, but I seem to be taking on water.

Wilson: She told me you had taken a Vicodin.
House: And then I took A lot more.

Your odds of a happy ending are nearly as good as staying home and watching porn.

Wilson

Chase: Why are you trying to screw things up?
House: You got the tense wrong. Things are already screwed up.

Masters: And why are they doing this?
Foreman: The place they bought them only had one pig.

Thirteen: What now?
Wilson: Truth or dare?
Thirteen: No! You don't wanna mess with me.

House: You're a cold-hearted bitch who ripped his heart out.
Sam: And all this?
House: Phase two if getting to know my enemy.

Thirteen: I'm gonna check out this new lesbian bar tonight.
House: Your life is awesome.

Taub: Dude, is this about Thirteen?
Dr. Foreman: No. Why are you calling me "dude?"
Taub: Maybe its hard seeing House replace her when you've still got feelings?
Dr. Foreman: One - I don't have feelings for Thirteen beyond friendship. Two - it's a temporary replacement. And three - dude?
Taub: It felt right.

[To Thirteen regarding his ankle ankle monitor] Guilty as charged. Literally.

House Quotes

People don't get what they deserve. They just get what they get. There's nothing any of us can do about it.

House

Wilson: Who rents porn anymore? Can't you get this stuff on the Internet?
House: You can. But you can't get the director's cut.