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People don't get what they deserve. They just get what they get. There's nothing any of us can do about it.

House: Lift up your arms. You have a parasite.
Jill: Like a tapeworm or something?
House: Lie back and lift up your sweater. You can put your arms down.
Jill: Can you do anything about it?
House: Only for about a month or so. After that it becomes illegal to remove, except in a couple of states.
Jill: Illegal?
House: Don't worry. Many women learn to embrace this parasite. They name it, dress it up in tiny clothes, arrange playdates with other parasites...
Jill: Playdates...
House: (showing her sonogram) It has your eyes.

You're an ass!

Dr. Adams

I'm gonna pretend to go to work now.

I've crossed some line and I'm having trouble getting back to the other side.

Chase

And the bitch is back.

You save earwax.

Taub (to the patient)

Relax. I'm a doctor. Your spectacular breasts mean nothing to me.

Dr. Cuddy: Are you doing anything Friday?
House: Taking a lovely young lady to the Philharmonic.
Dr. Cuddy: Is that your way of saying you're having sex with a hooker?
House: Two. Can't create a harmonic with just one.

Operation Valkyrie is now in effect.

Dr. Wilson: Uh, I'm not going to the bachelor party. Every time I go to one of your parties, I end up embarrassing myself in some new and unexpected way.
House: That whole thing with the duck was hardly unexpected.

Martha M. Masters. I'm Dr. House. This is the rest of the team. Boring, Bimbo, and Bite-Size. Martha enjoys quadratic equations, Italian frescoes, and her turn-ons include learning to be a doctor.

Displaying quotes 1 - 12 of 792 in total

House Quotes

People don't get what they deserve. They just get what they get. There's nothing any of us can do about it.

House

House: Lift up your arms. You have a parasite.
Jill: Like a tapeworm or something?
House: Lie back and lift up your sweater. You can put your arms down.
Jill: Can you do anything about it?
House: Only for about a month or so. After that it becomes illegal to remove, except in a couple of states.
Jill: Illegal?
House: Don't worry. Many women learn to embrace this parasite. They name it, dress it up in tiny clothes, arrange playdates with other parasites...
Jill: Playdates...
House: (showing her sonogram) It has your eyes.

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